Keep Calm & . . .

This is me keeping calm: "Breathe. It's ooooo-kay. Everything is ooooo-kay. Relax. This is just temporary. You got this. You can do this."

This is me freaking out: "why is this my life? I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I've changed my mind about this entire life thing. Can I start over? I can't start over?!"

I could easily insert those conversations I had with myself last night into the conversation 27-30 year old Rudine will be having with herself during childbirth.

Where was I going with this again?
oh!
I've come to realize that freaking out is easiest for me. Trying to keep calm takes too much effort, too much coaching, too much faking it. Freaking out for me is more authentic. I think i'd kinda freak people out if I wasn't freaking out...ya know?
It would kind of throw things off.
How do I get "calm" to be the norm for me?
I am pretty convinced that a "calm" way of life would be better for me but one can never be too sure. I think I would miss that whirlwind of chaos I can so easily create for myself.

What could be more motivating than having the kind of night I had last night? Not wanting to feel that way ever again is the best motivation.
&
how fortunate to have a British WWII motivational poster as an aid?