"Like honey & trombones...": The night Anis Mojgani misspelled my name*

Why has it been almost two years since i've been to the Bowery Poetry Club? I never make time for the things I love anymore.
About 2 weeks ago I was browsing Anis Mojgani's website, The Piano Farm, when I saw that he was going to be here in NYC. I've missed him every single time hes been here since I heard his work for the first time and became obsessed (as I am known to easily get).
rushakesthedust? It was my attempt at channeling my inner Mojgani. Have you ever seen him perform "Shake the dust"? You don't even have to see it, close your eyes and just listen.


Cliche to say that this poem changed my life? Yes...but I am not ashamed.
I requested the day off from work because there was no way I was going to miss him again.

I arrived at the Bowery Poetry Club an hour early. Anis wasn't scheduled to go on until 7:30 but there was supposed to be a "wordshop" at 6:30 and who would want to miss the 7:00pm open mic?
I'm pretty sure the last time I was there I promised myself that I'd read on that stage one day. That i'd write something worthy enough for the lower east side to hear. I'm obviously not at that point in my life but maybe one day?

There was a woman beside me. She walked in with her neo-hippie, poetry writing daughter and went immediately to the bar to get a glass of wine. She was wearing a pair of kate spade readers. I swear this job follows me everywhere.

Anis walked in wearing his signature red beanie and a backpack. I'm sure he walked to "The Bowery..." and i'm sure almost everyone he passed on his way had no idea who he is, what he doesm and how he changes lives. They had no idea that there was a venue full of people waiting to hear him speak.
I don't think anyone told him he was supposed to do a wordshop because he walked in 10 minutes before the open mic & he doesn't seem to be the late type.

As I was scribbling bits of this post down in my notebook the girl sitting next to me asked if i was reading tonight - imagine??? me??? reading my poetry in front of a sold out crowd? like i said before, im just not at that point in my life yet.

It was time for the open mic & the first name they called was that of the neo-hippie. Shes 15 & she read a poem about her dead father. 15 & yet she was brave enough to do something i'm just not ready to do. Her wine sipping mother was so proud.
&
then another guy whose name escapes me got up & performed a piece about a lot of things but mostly life.
I grabbed my notebook to scribble down as much as I could - "I used to walk around with funerals in my head."
I'll have to find my way back to this guy.

A few more brave souls shared poems - almost all of them reading from an iphone, blackberry, ipad, or laptop...

& then...Anis.


He opened with probably the most profound thing anyone has ever said about a lemon tree. It was short & sweet.
& then...
"This is for the fat girls..."
the room erupted in cheers & snaps. shake the dust. It is so much more amazing in person.
I should have recorded it! but I needed to just sit there & experience it. Hopefully i'll be able to catch another one of his readings & experience it all over again.
He did about 5 poems? which just wasn't enough. I could listen to him for hourssss but I am sure he has no desire to read every poem in his hugeeee library of poems in one night.
I'd have to settle for just a few.

After his feature he was in the cafe selling & signing books. I never have cash so I had to run across the street to the bank to get cash & hope that he'd still be there when I got back. He was - he was staying for the slam. I waited in line & I'll skip over the awkwardness that I hesitate to call a conversation, but he now knows that i'm a huge fan & i bought over the anvil we stretch and he signed it and I went back to my seat.

Remember the girl who asked me if I was I was reading tonight? Turns out she was! A few poets into the slam she got up & I assumed she was just going to the bathroom. She was actually next up! Her first poem was great. I wish I had it to post for you all but I don't. Her second poem was even better and got her into the 3rd & final round. She was up against 2 other women - two obviously well seasoned poets. You could tell she thought she wouldn't stand a chance...but SHE WON! the look on her face was priceless. She came back to her seat & I was beaming with pride.

I can't help but think that maybe she has some kind of sixth sense & that when she asked if I was reading, she had actually sensed the poetry in me.

Overall I had a pretty great night. I haven't felt this creative in a long time. Its poetry month...did ya know? Last april I attempted 30/30 & failed.
Do you know what 30/30 is? 30 poems in the 30 days of the month of April. I assume everyone just writes 1 poem a day, but if you're me you might wait until about 15 days in & try to come up with 15 poems in 30 minutes.
Perhaps I'll try again?


*"Redine, stay filled with wonder...-anis"

LISTS

don't you love them? they're super necessary sometimes. i often feel too overwhelmed without them. i make lists of the bills i need to pay for the month (although they never change), things i need to buy: toiletries, etc, things i want to buy but shouldn't: a new pair of toms, & today, things i need to do on my day off.

things i need to do on my day off:

1. get out of bed: i haven't done that yet. still working on it...
2. order myself a pizza: managed to do that while still in bed so yay!
3. laundry: its never ending. i feel like i do laundry every week. maybe its because i tend to just wear the same clothes over & over...but they're my favorite things! what else would i wear??? but today is a must. all my work clothes are in my hamper right now. i am fortunate to have a washer & dryer right in my basement. what would i do if i had to go across the street to wash my clothes in those very public machines???? which brings me to...
4. apartment hunt: i think i'm down to about 4 months til august? i told myself (& others) that i wanted to move to boston in august so i would have time to get familiar & get comfortable with this new place before i am thrust into the black hole that is graduate school, but i just haven't been putting the work in.
the fact that i can't seem to find a compatible roommate is so discouraging. i've ranted about this before but whats with the cats? or the dogs? or whatever other pet people want a potential roommate to be okay with?
all i want is a decent sized room, a nice clean kitchen, a bathroom with a huge mirror, and access to a washer & dryer. i'm all set on the animal kingdom.
i wish renting the perfect 1 bedroom apt/studio was a realistic option for me.
maybe it can be?
5. clean my yoga mat: as at ease as am i supposed to be during childs pose, its kinda hard to get as relaxed as i need to when the giant in front of me is dripping toe sweat on to my mat. its why i probably clean my mat more than anyone should. best way? (depending on what your mat is made of) giving it a shallow bath in a combination of warm water & vinegar.
6. find out more about this adam levine/anne v break up. any day that i wake up & adam is single again is a good day!
7. pull my outfits for the week. if i do it now. i won't have to think about it when i get home from work at night orrr when i wake up for work in the morning
8. make use of my netflix account: other than a couple of episodes of saved by the bell, i havent really gotten my monies worth. i've got to get through my instant queue. i don't pay $7.99 a month for nothing!
9. make a decision about my stack of magazines
&
10. finish this blog post*

off i go!

*i started working on this post at about 12noon & finished up around 3:30pm. in that time i: ordered a pizza & ate half of it, got rid of the pile of clothes that lived on the floor in my room, watched 2 episodes of my so called life, & did some emerson college related things...progress was made.

whos coming to see titanic in 3D with me?

i know you probably just watched it on TNT & i know you already know how it ends, but COME ON! its TITANIC!

can you believe its been 15 years? i was 9 years old when TITANIC was released & i remember it like it was yesterday.

my older sisters promised me they would take me with them to see it, and then disappeared for the day leaving me nervous & panicked at the apartment window. "are they seeing it without me!?"
they didn't.
they came back for me & at some ungodly hour they let me tag along to the movies.
i don't know why i remember this so vividly, but we were sitting in the back row and then TITANIC happened & it was more than i thought it would be & i loved all 200,000mins of it.
cut to me having the soundtrack that was almost completely instrumental save for THE SONG.
who didn't love "my heart will go on"
only soul less people didn't love "my heart will go on"
i also had the vhs - it was 2 videos! remember? because the movie was 1,000 years long
how annoying was having to get up to put in the second video?
i wish i knew where that vhs was now because my dad hooked up our old VCR.
i swear i'd watch it right now in preparation for seeing it next weekend.

watching the movie all the way through without commercial breaks & without having to get up to rewind tape 2 will be amazingggg!

i can't wait! i love that they're bringing this back.
somehow this movie is a huge part of my childhood & it'll be nice to go back there if only for a little while.
super bittersweet because of how temporary it will be & because of all that has changed in my life since i was 9
& ya know watching jack freeze to death & sink down to the depths of the ocean for the 100th time is gonna suck too
but im ready for it!

if no one is down to see it with me i am totesss down to see it by myself...i'm just gonna have to have someone on reserve to come pick me up off the floor & out of the pool of my own tears.

i will be screaming "whyyyyyyyyyyy jackkkk whyyyyyyyyyy???!!" & sobbing uncontrollably

just a heads up.

oh & can we talk about young leo for a second please??? #LOVE

oh, ya know...just a typical saturday night in nyc.

Standing in line for an absurd amount of time to get a decent seat in a theater to watch the most anticipated movie of the year isn't at all unique to NYC...but having to listen to the hipster couple in front of you explain The Hunger Games in the most buzz killing way to their friends who obviously live under some kind of rock most definitely is*. They had matching gray sweaters. I should have known better than to get in line behind them, but I was distracted by her leopard** ankle boots. I digress...

Oh & more on the movie later!

I can tell you from experience that walking out of a movie theater and encountering 50 NYPD officers is more than unsettling.
Why the excessive police presence?
Occupy Wall Street.
My first thought?: "BLURGH!"
Why? No offense to the occupiers because I know they're fighting for the 99% which I am very much a part of but I was just kind of hoping that my train would be running so I can get home. While the 1% can afford to jet pack to their penthouses, the rest of us have to slum it on the subway, so shutting down union square really does affect us more than it affects them.
By all means protest!...just don't get in my way.
Thats the native new yorker in me...

So I make it to my train, i'm sitting in my corner seat reading The Hunger Games (yes, after seeing the movie) & the stop comes for me to switch over to the train that will take me all the way home. I walk on to the E, wait for the doors to close, lean back, & keep reading but then something says "check out your surroundings" & I look to my left at the other end of the car & what do I see?
A man passed out on the floor.
He looked like a corpse.
my first thought: "he better not be dead"
my second thought: "why hasn't anyone done anything about this yet?"
my third thought: "i hope no one says anything until after i get off the train"
my fourth thought [after seeing the man roll over and go back to sleep]: "oh hes alive" ::goes back to reading::

again those are the thoughts of a new yorker (& possibly any other big city dweller)

When/how did I become so desensitized?

I used to be all about protests. Now if I see one I just hope they don't get in my way.
& If a man is just passed out on the floor of a train car how do we not first think to help him up? How can we just silently hope that no one pulls the emergency break or alert the conductor so we're not stuck at the station - or possibly even worse - in between stations so we can just get where we need to go.

How often are you only feet away from a possibly dead man & not feel a thing other than concern for the length of your commute?

Is this what New York has done to me? to us? is this why New Yorkers favor wearing all black?
Is it not only because we all look so chic in "all black everything"?

Will moving out of this city lighten up my soul a little?
Or will having been born & raised here make survival anywhere else that much easier?

Do the police officers in your city/town walk onto a train car, see a man passed out & rolling all over the ground, & go about their business?


*I think the fact that i've been called a hipster one too many times has fostered in me this disdain for the thick rimmed glasses wearing, PBR tall boy drinking masses

**Leopard over everything

Midnight Musings: Linsanity, #SBTB, Gentleman's Quarterly, & "Crazy kittens"

BALLIN
My brother & sister-in-law surprised me with a Knicks game tonight! & they actually won! 5th in a row? SHOCKING RIGHT?! & although the "Linsanity" has died down considerably, that hasn't stopped his legions of new fans from migrating from Taiwan, to New York, into MSG, & into court side seats in homemade "LIN-TAIWAN" t-shirts.
Jeremy's fans are loyal. This tiny bit of a "slump" [& i hesitate to say slump b/c he did score 15+ points tonight but in comparison to his 40+ points when he first came out of nowhere & blew everyones minds hes slumping...badly] won't stop them from putting a Knicks game high up on their list of things to do on their trip to New York City.
Spike Lee is pretty loyal too - still rockin' that LIN jersey, still yelling at the ref before the game even starts.
Can you believe he was actually at the game about 40 mins early & stayed until the very last second?
Oh & what I would give to have access to his season tickets -sigh-
Whats your favorite Lin pun?
Mine = "All I do is LIN, LIN, LIN!"
Least fav = "AMASIAN" <--- just terrible.

Mario Lopez vs. AC Slater
Can I just begin by saying that its quite possible that Mario Lopez has not aged a day since he started playing AC Slater? Mario lopez circa 1988 & Mario lopez circa 2012 are the exact same person minus the curly mullet.
I never really understood how someone could be haunted by a character that made them famous. I always felt that these child stars turned rebels were a bit ungrateful. If it wasn't for that role none of us would even care who you are - why run away from it? embrace it!
I don't think Mario has ever talked badly about his time at SBTB but if he had that would not surprise me. After all the embarrassing stuff they had him doing on that show he should just reject it completely.
Have you seen AC Slater dance? Have you seen AC Slater's hair? Have you heard some of AC Slater's lines?
Could AC Slater survive high school in 2012?

Why doesn't Glamour magazine have a sports section?
So I was in line at walgreens yesterday waiting to pay for the pack of tissues I actually went into the pharmacy for...& the gummy bears I picked up on my way to the line, when I looked down & saw Drake looking quite dapper on the cover of next month's GQ. Well obviously I couldn't just ignore it, I had to pick it up, and then of course I couldn't just read the entire thing right there in line! I had to buy it!
btw: you can get a pack of walgreens brand "facial tissues", gummy bears (in the gold bag...whats that brand again?) & a copy of GQ for a little under $8
So i'm sitting on the subway this evening on my way to Herald Square and I crack open the 1st copy of GQ of i've ever owned...& it is AWESOME!
You know when some guys say they actually read playboy for the articles? I totally get it!
but before I get to the articles can we just talk about the abundance of good looking men in this magazine?!
Gorgeous, tall, well dressed men who look like they smell amazing!
I'd definitely read Cosmo more if it had Calvin Klein Men's Underwear ads in them!
& why are the article's in women's mags so centered on weightloss & vaginal malfunction when men get hilarious anecdotes about mini van acceptance & the rebirth & evolution of the boat shoe?
GQ has a sports section! a sports section! The extent of the sports coverage in a women's magazine is what Serena Williams was wearing when she won the US open or something...
Men get a very random twitter-view with Ozzie Guillen while we get...nothing?
Glamour and Cosmo and Nylon seem to be just Health, Beauty, & Fashion while GQ is definitely LIFESTYLE. I've got to do a bit more research and if I like my findings I think i'm just going to become a "GQ man."

I hate cats
If you know me, you know this. Don't like them, never has, never will. Keep that cat away from me if it rolls its eyes at me I'm going to freak out & if it comes out of no where and rubs up against the back of my leg I am going to throw up.
Can one be a vegetarian without being an animal person?
Yes.
I am proof.
I don't eat animals. I don't like the torture and if I can survive without contributing to it i'm all for it!
Yes, I like my animals alive and free, but I'd also like them as far away from me as possible.
That goes for dogs too. I can deal with the small ones but if your dog is above my knee caps when creepily standing on its back legs i'm going to need you to lock it away somewhere. Its that simple.
That being said.
I'm moving in 5 months & I need to find a roommate or two or three or four.
Emerson started this facebook group for us accepted students to mingle and network and possibly work out a living situation and people are taking advantage BUT every post from someone looking for a roommate ends with "I have 2 cats!" or "I hope you like cats!" or "I hope you deal with a crazy kitten!"
WHY!?
Why does everyone have a cat?! why does everyone want to move cross country with their cat????
How I long for the days of on campus housing and their no pet rule. I just want to live with a human.
No dog, no cat, no snake, no bird, no lizard, no finish.
Just a human being.
Is that really too much to ask?????

That is all for now. i'm not proofreading this. forgive all typos.

-ru.

I am a mess.

I skipped yoga last week & I am convinced that is the root of all my current problems.
I'm feeling "off": overwhelmed, exhausted, confused, & emotionally unstable.
If you know me really well you're probably thinking "aren't you always overwhelmed, exhausted, emotionally unstable, & a little bit confused?"
Yes, good observation BUT ever since I started my yoga routine i've been a little less "off" & its been great.

I feel like the universe was even working with me more. I was getting everything I wanted - feeling wayyy more positive about things & feeling that much more grateful.
Physically I felt good, mentally I felt great!...but then I woke up last tuesday with every intention of going to class but decided not to for the first time in months and now i'm suffering the consequences.

How did I manage to make it the entire winter season without getting sick, but a couple days after I skip class I catch a cold?
How did I manage to stay mentally on track and then a couple days after I skip class I have a very public emotional breakdown? (second only to that of the KONY 2012 creator)

Before I started practicing I never really believed in that mind-body connection but the week i've had is definitely proof.

I'm going to class tomorrow & I couldn't be more excited [said excitement will pass once I go into my first downward facing dog].

It'll be a good way to start off the new week!

I thought I was invincible...

Its March 16th & 2 days ago it was 73 degrees...I figured I was in the clear. I managed to make it through the winter season without getting sick...or so I thought.
Everyone at work was sick & I was able to tip-toe my way around it. I took pride in my immune system & the way it had fought off the little inkling of a cold I had 2 weeks ago. I never made it past stage 1 & I loved it.

Cut to tonight...around 8pm...a sneeze.

I never sneeze -not even when I walk into a room that has just been over-febreezed. My nasal passage isn't at all overly sensitive - so when I sneezed tonight I just knew.

& then it happened again. another sneeze. & again ANOTHER SNEEZE.

I made it all the way home & as I walked through my doors I could feel that tickle in my throat. uh oh. so I broke out the echinacea.

I swear by it. Whenever I feel the tiniest bit of a cold symptom coming on I take 2 echinacea pills, drink some OJ or eat an orange & go back to sleep for an hour or 2 & when I wake up I feel as healthy as I was the day I was born. My house is all out of pills so I drank some echinacea tea instead...& i'm still waiting for it to kick in.

I fell asleep for a few hours only to shocked awake by a SNEEZE.

::insert panic here::

I can't get sick. I can't afford to get sick. I have St. Patricks day plans. who has time to be sick in bed for the next few days?! not me...

so I am awake trying everything I can to nip this cold in the bud (or in the butt as sasha b & one of the mob "wives" would say)

I ate an orange, I took one of my ADULT gummy vitamins, & naturally I googled "ways to stop a cold before it starts"

I found an article on Heath.com & this is what it suggests (& how it relates to me right now at 5:03 am)

1. As soon as you start feeling symptoms start drinking water or juice: done. luckily in the past couple of months i've been getting over my hatred for water & its lack of flavor. I have a 33.8 fluid oz bottle of water next to me right now & I intend to get through it...in the next hour

2.Gargle with salt water : does anyone else loveeee gargling with salt water? Its supposed to help soothe the itchiness, irritation etc & also get rid of the bacteria...I just gargled maybe 10mins ago & it has yet to start working...HURRY!

3. Skip the over the counter cough medicine - use honey: Already had some honey in my tea! & I totally have no qualms about just eating it by the spoonful...if this salt doesnt start doing the trick, i'm heading to the kitchen to squeeze the life out of that honey filled bear.

4. Over the next few hours skip work if you can: I can't. I actually have to be up in 2 hours to head to work 2 hours earlier than I was supposed to which will actually stunt my recover but its okay theres a free breakfast in it for me!

5. Don't forget the fluids: they suggest chicken soup, but what says them for us vegetarians??? NADA! just lots of water & OJ I guess...

6. Shake it off!: next to this one they have a girl doing yoga...if i could do some yoga right now i would! but its 5:18 am & i'm watching friends...& this.I didn't go to class at all this week - is it possible that my immune system was affected by this?!

7. The Next day - All better?: If i wake up the next day or in 1 hour & I have a fever, start puking up the orange I ate, & ya know anything else like that then i've definitely got something more than the common cold & for that they suggest I see a doctor. Considering that my doctor is my father & he is not a doctor I really, really hope that this is just a silly little cold that will be out of my system in no time.

My immune system has forsaken me, but I will not give in! I'm heading to Jamba Juice ASAP to get a COLD BUSTER in the largest size they offer & if that doesn't work

well then i'm just gonna go around coughing on everything because if i'm going to be sick, we're all going to be sick together.

Yes, I mean all of New York City...

Oh look at that! the episode of friends when Monica is sick & in denial is on! [great timing nick@nite!]

& with that I will leave you with one of her best quotes & my motto for the next 24 hours

"getting sick is for weaklings! Its for pansies!"

*don't you wish you could look as awesome & healthy when you're sick as that girl does? she clearly has like strep throat but those pink pillows are making her glow...that & the sweat.