I am a mess.

I skipped yoga last week & I am convinced that is the root of all my current problems.
I'm feeling "off": overwhelmed, exhausted, confused, & emotionally unstable.
If you know me really well you're probably thinking "aren't you always overwhelmed, exhausted, emotionally unstable, & a little bit confused?"
Yes, good observation BUT ever since I started my yoga routine i've been a little less "off" & its been great.

I feel like the universe was even working with me more. I was getting everything I wanted - feeling wayyy more positive about things & feeling that much more grateful.
Physically I felt good, mentally I felt great!...but then I woke up last tuesday with every intention of going to class but decided not to for the first time in months and now i'm suffering the consequences.

How did I manage to make it the entire winter season without getting sick, but a couple days after I skip class I catch a cold?
How did I manage to stay mentally on track and then a couple days after I skip class I have a very public emotional breakdown? (second only to that of the KONY 2012 creator)

Before I started practicing I never really believed in that mind-body connection but the week i've had is definitely proof.

I'm going to class tomorrow & I couldn't be more excited [said excitement will pass once I go into my first downward facing dog].

It'll be a good way to start off the new week!

I thought I was invincible...

Its March 16th & 2 days ago it was 73 degrees...I figured I was in the clear. I managed to make it through the winter season without getting sick...or so I thought.
Everyone at work was sick & I was able to tip-toe my way around it. I took pride in my immune system & the way it had fought off the little inkling of a cold I had 2 weeks ago. I never made it past stage 1 & I loved it.

Cut to tonight...around 8pm...a sneeze.

I never sneeze -not even when I walk into a room that has just been over-febreezed. My nasal passage isn't at all overly sensitive - so when I sneezed tonight I just knew.

& then it happened again. another sneeze. & again ANOTHER SNEEZE.

I made it all the way home & as I walked through my doors I could feel that tickle in my throat. uh oh. so I broke out the echinacea.

I swear by it. Whenever I feel the tiniest bit of a cold symptom coming on I take 2 echinacea pills, drink some OJ or eat an orange & go back to sleep for an hour or 2 & when I wake up I feel as healthy as I was the day I was born. My house is all out of pills so I drank some echinacea tea instead...& i'm still waiting for it to kick in.

I fell asleep for a few hours only to shocked awake by a SNEEZE.

::insert panic here::

I can't get sick. I can't afford to get sick. I have St. Patricks day plans. who has time to be sick in bed for the next few days?! not me...

so I am awake trying everything I can to nip this cold in the bud (or in the butt as sasha b & one of the mob "wives" would say)

I ate an orange, I took one of my ADULT gummy vitamins, & naturally I googled "ways to stop a cold before it starts"

I found an article on Heath.com & this is what it suggests (& how it relates to me right now at 5:03 am)

1. As soon as you start feeling symptoms start drinking water or juice: done. luckily in the past couple of months i've been getting over my hatred for water & its lack of flavor. I have a 33.8 fluid oz bottle of water next to me right now & I intend to get through it...in the next hour

2.Gargle with salt water : does anyone else loveeee gargling with salt water? Its supposed to help soothe the itchiness, irritation etc & also get rid of the bacteria...I just gargled maybe 10mins ago & it has yet to start working...HURRY!

3. Skip the over the counter cough medicine - use honey: Already had some honey in my tea! & I totally have no qualms about just eating it by the spoonful...if this salt doesnt start doing the trick, i'm heading to the kitchen to squeeze the life out of that honey filled bear.

4. Over the next few hours skip work if you can: I can't. I actually have to be up in 2 hours to head to work 2 hours earlier than I was supposed to which will actually stunt my recover but its okay theres a free breakfast in it for me!

5. Don't forget the fluids: they suggest chicken soup, but what says them for us vegetarians??? NADA! just lots of water & OJ I guess...

6. Shake it off!: next to this one they have a girl doing yoga...if i could do some yoga right now i would! but its 5:18 am & i'm watching friends...& this.I didn't go to class at all this week - is it possible that my immune system was affected by this?!

7. The Next day - All better?: If i wake up the next day or in 1 hour & I have a fever, start puking up the orange I ate, & ya know anything else like that then i've definitely got something more than the common cold & for that they suggest I see a doctor. Considering that my doctor is my father & he is not a doctor I really, really hope that this is just a silly little cold that will be out of my system in no time.

My immune system has forsaken me, but I will not give in! I'm heading to Jamba Juice ASAP to get a COLD BUSTER in the largest size they offer & if that doesn't work

well then i'm just gonna go around coughing on everything because if i'm going to be sick, we're all going to be sick together.

Yes, I mean all of New York City...

Oh look at that! the episode of friends when Monica is sick & in denial is on! [great timing nick@nite!]

& with that I will leave you with one of her best quotes & my motto for the next 24 hours

"getting sick is for weaklings! Its for pansies!"

*don't you wish you could look as awesome & healthy when you're sick as that girl does? she clearly has like strep throat but those pink pillows are making her glow...that & the sweat.

If I end up on an episode of "extreme hoarding", will you still be friends with me?

Today was gorgeousssssssssssssssss!

...did anyone else spend the entire day inside?????
I woke up this morning with every intention of going to yoga class like I have been doing on all my days off since the beginning of the year but I couldn't even make it out of bed. I'm sure you've had those days where you're not feeling 100% - I wasn't even feeling 50%.
I went back to sleep for a couple more hours & woke up feeling very much in the mood for some spring cleaning.

We've all seen hoarders right? or at least know what a hoarder is? now I am no where near that level of pack rat-ness, but I definitely do have some hoarder tendencies.

I'll be making that huge move to Boston in a couple months, and I figured the least amount of old receipts, shoe boxes, credit card statements, commemorative maroon 5 "tea will be loved" snapple bottles I have the easier the move will be on everyone.

Things I am grateful for today:
Shredders
Ibuprofen
Law & Order: SVU marathons
Garbage bags

My aunt has this super high powered shredder that can even shred compact discs! yes, CDs! it shreds cds!
I used this awesome machine to get rid of old pay stubs, receipts, flyers, brochures, my 2010 commencement tickets...you know...things that normal people throw out, not stack up until its an unsightly mess of discolored paper.

I had about 10 newspapers - & yes a few are copies of the daily news my brother was in from june 2011 but i mean most people probably would have just cut out the article right? I stored all 5 copies for almost a year.

As I type, I am staring at a stack of 10 nylons, 3 glamours, & the june 2010 copy of vanity fair - you know the one with all the world cup soccer players in designer undies & no shirts?
its obvious why one would keep that one but what am I going to do with all these back issues of fashion/beauty mags? & why didn't they get tossed along with everything else I weeded out today?
I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I'll spend the next couple of months trying to come up with a use for them & if I don't then they'll probably be moving with me!

I've been living back at home for about 2 years & if I was able to accumulate this amount of crap in the very small space that I occupy here, whats going to happen when i'm in my own house?
Will I have an entire wing of my house for my plastic/paper shopping bags?
did I mention that I have about 35 forever 21 shopping bags?

I seem to have a hard time letting go of things, people, places, thoughts, feelings...& apparently every paper I wrote in college.

Does anyone else feel like they are most definitely going to need that sociology paper they wrote freshman year one day in the distant future?

Don't we all still have a copy of our 2007 fafsa???

also,
when the state condemns my house & takes my children away because I make them sleep on beds made of old nylon magazines
will you still be friends with me?

#happythankyoumoreplease

1. see that movie. its amazing...
2. in the movie one of the characters talks about gratitude and how conscious she is of thanking the powers that be for all the good that comes her way - all the "happy"...as a believer/supporter/good word spreader/skeptic of the secret i ate that right up & adopted "happythankyoumoreplease" which is a pretty simple way to make sure you're giving thanks...

that being said:

i've been chanting "happythankyoumoreplease" almost every hour on the hour since yesterday because i was officially accepted to the publishing & writing program at emerson college!

As you may (or may not) know (depending on how closely you follow the goings on of my life...which is probably not very closely at all unless you're one of the friends i force to listen to me rant about the goings on of my life) i have been waiting impatiently/anxiously for my decision from ec.

i was actually starting to think that maybe i hadn't heard back yet because they were hunting for someone who had actually gotten into graduate school to skillfully craft my rejection letter.

can you even begin to imagine the feeling i had when i listened to my voicemail and had a missed call from the assistant director of grad admissions?
it is my opinion that one has not fully experienced nervousness until their entire body is shaking right down to the bone.

that phone call could have gone 2 ways - either i was going to be accepted or i was going to be rejected, but as the phone was ringing it felt like there were a million different possibilities.

long story short: emerson called because the original acceptance letter they sent me had the wrong program. it said i had been accepted to the creative writing program when the program i applied to was the publishing & writing so they had to call because obviously if i had gotten the original letter without any warning i probably would have just had an anxiety attack & passed out.

so i will have 2 copies of my acceptance letter! can you believe it? i didn't even think i would have 1!

in the days leading up to my acceptance i started a list of "things i will do if i get into emerson"
it included cutting my hair really, really short & dying it honey blonde (is that even a real color?)
ummm now that im actually in i'm gonna have to uhhh reconsider that one.

so i'm in!...now what?

i've got 5 months to get my ish together - to save, to apartment hunt, to move...
life is about to get overwhelmingggggg
but i thank the universe for it every day
i'd rather be overwhelmed than underwhelmed.

i guess this is the way things always work out. you get the most when you least expect it.
i just switched jobs & the timing couldn't be better.

i'm excited for all the positive change. i hope that everything works out & that this time next year i'll be in to my 2nd semester of graduate school!

can you even imagine me? with a masters? yes? well i mean yea i'm pretty predictable : )

stay tunedddddddddddddddddddd

that awkward moment when your yoga instructor plays "lost without you" by robin thicke...

...& downward dog loses its innocence.

i wonder how much time yoga instructors put into creating their playlists. some of them seem precise & deliberate while others sound rushed or typical. i think the music is one of the most important parts of practice. no, there does not have to be any music at all, but if there is it has to be right...don't ya think?
the wrong song can just throw your whole flow off...

so on my way home from class tonight i compiled a list of songs on my ipod that "yoga instructor ru" would have looping during a 60min class...

little dragon - twice
the almost - dirty & left out
caroline - drove me to the wall
amy winehouse - half time
matchbox 20 - 3am (piano acoustic)
caroline - all i need
frou frou - let go
zero 7 - in the waiting line
lemar - i believe in a thing called love (acoustic cover)*
culture club - victims
blonde redhead - pink love
frou frou - shh
jason mraz - who needs shelter
caroline - drove me to the wall**
john mayer - heartbreak warfare
kings of leon - pickup truck
tracy chapman - fast car
ok go - oh lately its so quiet
lydia - stay awake
lykke li - time flies
the dear hunter - 1878
phoenix - rome
the postal service - sleeping in
incubus - 11am
smashing pumpkins - 1979
sonic youth - superstar
the spice girls - 2 become 1***
sting & the buena vista social club - fragilidad
the temper trap - rest
tommy james & the shondells - crimson & clover
west indian girl - northern sky
blonde redhead - anticipation

im gonna spend some time putting this list into an order that flows & hopefully i'll use it one day when i have my yoga instructors license****

*stolen from a class i took on tuesday
** anything in bold is a personal fav
*** it would be the "lost without you" moment of my class
**** more about my yoga experience & my new desire to become a yoga instructor to come...

& now...a valentine's day playlist.

did i seem overly bitter this valentine's day?
if so...i apologize. its just that i was watching the e! true hollywood story: ice-t & coco & well coco was 23 when she met ice-t & knew that she was ready to settle down & well ummm i turn 24 this year & ummmm yea! sooooo...where was i going with this?
oh!
so i was headed to yoga today & at first thought i would just skip through all the sappy/lovey dovey songs on my ipod that would most likely cause me to get off the train & jump onto the subway tracks BUT then i started compiling what i think is a pretty decent list of songs that will help anyone get through valentine's day whether you're hopelessly single or 2 months into the relationship that you think will last forever, but will actually be over by st patrick's day ::nods::

here goes!
1. the cardigans - junk of hearts
2. fall out boy - xo
3. alanis morissette - not the doctor
4. MIA - paper planes
5. janis joplin - i need a man to love me
6. the spice girls - something kind of funny
7. incubus - warning
8. the black kids - i'm not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you
9. chromeo - rage
10. paramore - conspiracy
11. saosin - bury your head
12. q-tip - you
13. the strokes - under cover of darkness
14*. head automatica - beating heart baby

this might seem like the most random list of songs ever, but they're all really awesome songs (in my opinion...& in the case of the spice girls: in the opinion of 12yr old rudine)

happy listening!

* 14 songs? get it? yea...

winter blues.

I've definitely got them.

& no, its not because i will be valentine-less tomorrow. i really have no problem being my own valentine. Who knows what i want better than ummm me? i'd like valentine's day themed cupcakes - lots of pink frosting & red sprinkles, a bag of original conversation hearts, & a box of wine to help forget that i'm sitting at home alone in bed with pink frosting all over my face & an empty bag of conversation hearts under my pillow ::nods::

so no its not valentine's day
its just
winter.

things i hate most about winter:

1. obviously the cold weather. yes, it has been kind of a mild winter & i've been able to wear my toms a lot more than i thought i would but still! on those days when its below 32 degrees??? BAHUMBUG.
2. snow! soooo fine okay again im complaining about something we havent really had much of! butttt i mean it kinda snowed a little and it was gross. the buses get gross, the subway smells even worse than it normally does and i can't wear my toms so! again i say BAHUMBUG
3. its just so dark & gray all the time. where is the sun dammit? its only 5pm...why is it so dark?
4. winter coats - just so bulky yet somehow they never seem to be warm enough. aren't you 90% down? why do i feel such a chill in my bones? also, what am i supposed to do with you when i'm in a bar or something? i'm definitely not paying for coat check & ummm no i will not leave my coat here while i bounce over there to mingle or something...so fine - i guess i'll just say home & not meet my future husband who i was probably supposed to meet at the penny farthing last month but couldn't because i was home avoiding having to carry my coat around with me all night
5. i just end up wearing all the same things over and over because i mean no ones really going to see it anyway because i'm gonna have my coat on most of the time...most of my clothes go unworn & i miss them. i miss using my flannels as a sweater/jacket. i miss wearing my skirts & tanks & blah blah...

more things i miss about "not winter"?:

1. outdoor concerts/music festivals
2. park sitting & people watching for hoursssss
3. my straw fedora (i need a new one)
4. sandals
5. (more) food trucks
6. iced chais
7. rooftop bars
8. outdoor sitting at restaurants (where it is totally appropriate to consume multiple frozen margaritas)
9. short skirts/short shorts/dresses
10. milkshakes
11. the beach

i mostly just miss the adventures that summer days bring...i rarely ever know whats going to happen. i leave my house just to get outside & go from there & its great.
i feel so confined to this room, to this bed...

1 groundhog saw his shadow, 1 groundhog didn't. 1 is from PA, 1 is from NY...i think we all know who i'm going with!

is it spring yet?

oh & updates soon! i've got news to share...& no it isn't about grad school. they're still making me sweat it out...stay tuned!