On Gratitude

Its kinda difficult for me to feel thankful for anything right now. I'm feeling a little discouraged today, a little depressed & its the kind of feeling that just makes me want to curl up into a ball & sleep until its time for my real life to begin.
On the surface what do I have to be thankful for? I've been on this endless dream job hunt for almost 2 years now, in the mean time I'm stuck in the retail world - which gets old fast, I have credit cards that I can no longer afford to use, but can't afford NOT to use, & I am running out of space in the half a room that I can barely call my own.
Is this something you can relate to? the frustration? the perpetual overwhelming-ness of it all?
Are these things one can be grateful for? When you're in the state of mind that I tend to always be in my problems are always the end all, be all - you know when you can't everrr see the positive in a situation? yea...that.

Well the secret teaches that in order for the positive things we so desperately desire to manifest we need to be grateful for what we do have & we need to express that gratitude on a daily basis.
Thanksgiving is that national day of giving thanks, but what about every other day. Yes we are busy people but the secret advises that when we first open our eyes in the morning and when our feet hit the ground as we get up to start our day we should be listing all we are thankful for and really meaning it.
As an on again, off again practitioner of the secret I know these things are easier said than done. I am the poster child for being completely dedicated to something for about an hour or so & then seeing something shiny and completely losing focus - save a few things i.e. my 8 years of vegetarianism.
But I think -as i'm sure I have said before because I can be annoyingly repetitive at times - when you are at your lowest, when you are feeling the most desperate is when you tend to channel that strength and dedication that is necessary to go about creating positive change.

So! What am I thankful for? hmmmmm

Well lets start with being incredibly grateful to have a bed to sleep in at night & rent free at that! I am a daily patron of the E train and the amount of homeless people that have adopted those subway cars as their home is remarkable. I am grateful to not be in that situation & while I do long to be on my own & paying my own rent etc...I am absolutely in NO position to be doing that so to have a place to live rent free? thank you, thank you, thank you!

While it is not at all what I ever thought I'd be doing when I used to sit at the desk in my dorm trying to muster the motivation to keep writing & writing & wri
ting, I am grateful to have a job. Without it I'd be like I don't even know where - some place that isn't even fathomable - just in the deepest of ditches financially and emotionally. I'm not making as much as I would love or need but when it comes to money something is better definitely than nothing.

One of the most frustrating things about living at home is the lack of privacy. I don't think anyone misses their SNHU dorm room as much as I do. My living situation right now is not ideal especially since I occupy my father's tv room. You don't know annoyance until you're woken up at 7am by the sound of a grown man watching the weekly english premiere league soccer game, screaming about another missed goal.
But somehow despite the sleep i've lost I have to say that I am thankful for my father. He often reminds me that there are a lot of fatherless children in this world & it is definitely something I take for granted. I am thankful every time he remembers to grab my favorite pasta at the supermarket, I am thankful every time he makes sure I'm up for work in the morning, I am thankful whenever he stir-fries tofu & veggies w/ a side of seasoned mashed potatoes...the list goes on & on. While we've always had a really good relationship it pretty much goes without saying that since my mother passed away 5 years ago our relationship has that much better. So thank you, thank you, thank you...

I am thankful forrrrrr my brothers & sisters and for my friends who are like brothers and sisters. I am eternally grateful for the support they continue to give me. I could go on forever & ever about the amazing people in my life ::nods:: thank you, thank you, thank you...

I am thankful for all 3 of my recommendation providers! I think that every single one of them can help me convince my grad program that I deserve to be there. They know me best, better than I know myself sometimes & If I fail things on my end I know that they have my back. Its awesome
thank you, thank you, thank you...

So far it seems that I have a lot to be thankful for right? I'm even surprising myself...what else? what else?

I'm thankful for life - I won't elaborate because it makes me really, really sad - but when you lose people: family, friends, classmates, peers, etc... it puts a lot of things in perspective. When you're around my age & are fortunate enough to be surrounded by someone like you're 93 year old grandmother its easy to take this life for granted, its easy to think you'll see 93 & then you lose someone only a few years older than you are and in such a tragic, unexpected way & it sends you like crashing back to reality. so yea...

This really could go on for awhile longer...i'll do the rest in my head & continue to do it every morning when I open my eyes... ::nods::

Oh! I'm thankful for everyone that takes a few minutes every now & then to even glance at this "blog."
I'm really enjoying writing it & if I didn't get such positive feedback I would have 86'd this agesss ago.
I'm looking forward to new & interesting things to discuss! stay tunedddddd