well that was fast...

safe to say that this was the shortest summer on record?

its already labor day, summer is over & what do i have to show for it?
barely even a tan.
how many times did i go to the beach? once.
how much patio drinking did i do? not enough...
this time next week i'll be preparing myself to sit through a 3 hour & 45 minute class for the next 14 weeks or so.

it being september 3rd means that i've been in boston for exactly a month now.
how have i changed since then?
i haven't.
at least i don't think...

i haven't completely given myself to boston so it doesn't surprise me that people can tell i'm not from here.
i have learned pretty quickly that not a lot of people are actually from here.
there are just as many transplants here as there are in nyc.
my theory is that they all come here to go to school & then they migrate to nyc to find work & housing in overpriced upper west side apartments.
its just the natural progression of things.

so how am i feeling about boston a month later?
pretty much the same way i was feeling when i first got here.
im not really sure.
im still getting a feel for things.
its kind of hard to really assess this situation when all i do is go to work, come back from work, eat, watching investigation discovery.
and my schedule is only going to get worse when classes start.
then it'll be
class, work, reading, work, class, maybe some food, not a lot of sleep, assignments, exams & repeat...


i've kind of promised myself that i won't let work & school be my life although it'll be a pretty hard promise to keep with winter being just around the corner & all.

oh wait! how have i changed since moving to boston?
i'm not a pc anymore!
totally not related to my move at all but
i have a mac now
& its another thing i have yet to get used to ::nods::
but despite what i've been told, it doesn't make me want an iphone ::nods::

my hopes/wants for september?

to get more acquainted with this city
to stop missing nyc as much as i do so i can be a fully functioning human being
to go back to being the best student that i can be
and to maintain a good school, work, social life balance ::nods::

i also want to stop being being afraid of the bums that live in front of the 7/11 on dartmouth & boylston ::nods::

a presto!

-r.

"you think you know, but you have no idea..."

so i've been working on this new york related post for a couple of days now, but i just couldn't get it right so i just haven't posted it.
i just erased the entire thing & im gonna start over right now.
this post is my reaction to the reactions of the empire state building shooting this morning.

any shooting is terrible. like...duh. any shooting that results in casualties is most obviously a tragedy...but something so much more tragic has happened in other states & cities around the world that what im seeing on cnn & even on facebook/twitter etc...is kind of
for a lack of a better term
annoying?

i'm a born & raised new yorker & i am as loyal as can be. i know what happens in that city everyday & i was never ever really scared. you can't live like that. i grew up in the bronx for goodness sake - what happened at the empire state building this morning happens in some parts of the bronx almost every day - and brooklyn & queens.

so now all of a sudden this happens in manhattan and cnn would like us all to believe that this is 9/11 come again. theres an eyewitness calling in saying that her parents thought she was crazy for moving to nyc after 9/11...really? where should she have moved? its been yearssss since something like this has happened in manhattan and based on what we've been seeing in the news over the past weeks, months, years it seems that no small town, city, state is really safe anymore.

if you're a real new yorker i can't even believe that this isolated incident would have you running scared. depending on where you live in this city you could be just at your local bodega buying bread & suddenly be in the middle of a shoot out.

just weeks ago a 4yr old was shot dead at a playground & i didn't see it all over cnn. i didn't see everyone saying how it was time for them to flee the city. if there ever was a reason to want to leave anywhere it'd be because children aren't safe at playgrounds anymore.

watching cnn report this shooting right now is almost sickening. she actually just said "the sound of a flatbed truck going over a manhole is enough to give people flashbacks of 9/11"...ummm that has NEVER happened to me...ever. i don't know what you're talking about lady on cnn but i actually feel pretty safe when i'm walking around the city.

according to the reports this man went after 1 person & ended up getting others in the process. within minutes he was shot dead by police officers.
that response time alone shows just how much safer nyc is now than it has ever been.

i think if this shooting had happened maybe 2 blocks over it wouldn't be news
but i think since this did happen in front of the empire state building that news sources everywhere were just waiting for the thumbs up that they could link this to terrorism and spend the next 10hours trying to scare everyone out of new york.

this post was originally going to be about some absurd new york related conversations i overheard on the "T" all week & about how this one guy actually tried to sum up new york city in the most stereotypical way possible...but all of that is really reflected in the reactions im seeing to this shooting that took place just hours ago.

new yorkers, in the grand scheme of things you guys are all relatively safe. 50 people are killed in chicago almost every weekend. that hasn't happened in new york city in a verrrrry long time.
this wasn't a terrorist attack. it seems it was actually a very isolated incident. despite what cnn wants you to think, you shouldn't be having 9/11 flashbacks right now.

as im typing this mayor bloomberg is on my tv screen saying that some of the victims were probably shot by nypd officers
so this isn't the mass shooting that the news would like you to believe it is.

it seems that 1 innocent bystander was killed and for that i am very very sorry

but lets not stereotype the entire city because of this...

/end.

-r.

*update*: cnn originally reported that 1 innocent bystander was killed this morning. that was obviously WRONG...much of what cnn reported initially was wrong actually...

its been 2 weeks...

& if i could stay in this bed & watch season 1 of girls over & over & over & over...i would.

that has nothing to do with how my time here in boston is going
but
maybe it does.

if i was in new york what would i be doing right now?

1. i'd still be at work because that store doesnt close until 8pm & i'd still be there straightening bags & hating life
but its thursday so maybe i would be out going out or something after
but
maybe i'd just be going home to crawl into bed hoping to stay there until something amazing was going to happen.

i'm always waiting for something amazing to happen.

everyone keeps asking me the same thing "how are you liking it so far?"
& i honestly don't know. i have no answer for that. i don't think i've given it a chance yet. i've definitely spent more time in bed, in & out of sleep, watching sportscenter than i have been out & about trying to get to know this place.

i've gotten into this really bad routine of just: eat, sleep, work
that i told myself i wouldn't do because the entire point of this move was to escape complacency.

i have just a few more weeks before classes start & then who knows what i'll have time for
so i've got to get out of this funk.

obviously im a ball of emotions and feelings and blah and blah
&
obviously i've taken to eating those feelings.
im about 3/4 of the way through a rather large container of blue bunny birthday cake ice cream & i'm kind of scared for my health.

living on this 3rd floor will definitely help but seriously i need to stop because soon i won't be able to fit into any of my clothes & i really cant afford to buy any new ones

i hope my next post is a bit more informative/relate-able & a lot less rambling twenty something.

-r.

Allston, Ma

it took awhile, but the 6 garbage bags i had spilling out of my closet are finally gone. everything seems to be in its place.
just maybe 2 more quick trips to the supermarket & i'll be as settled as anyone can be after an out of state move.

i'm going to skip over the emotional breakdown i almost had when i got lost on my way home from trader joe's with 2 bags of groceries.
why is it impossible to pick up a cab on the street here?
fortunately, i just did what any rational person would do & reverse my direction. my phone's gps was just trying to mess with me i guess...

i digress.

there is a branch of the public library right across the street from me. i woke up this morning afternoon looking most forward to running over there & signing up for a library card. i can't wait!

i've been doing a lot of walk around - which has been difficult in this 92+ degree weather but today is a nicer day & i have a few more things to pick up at the supermarket.

its amazing how much space one can get for such a low cost when you're outside of new york city.
i feel like any day now someone is gonna tell me that i owe 3x the amount of what we're actually being charged for this place. its amazing.

walk in closet? yes...i could live in there if i wanted to. i've already considered turning it into a safe room.

being within walking distance of harvard is pretty cool. lots to do & see over in that area...theres an urban outfitters! & tons of food. shopping & food are 2 of my favorite things.

hmmm what else?

and in the other direction? over on harvard ave? theres a buffalo exchange & more food! food & thrift shopping are 2 of my favorite thingsssss

so far i've been asked a lot if im liking it so far...its kind of too early to tell. i kinda still just feel like im visiting. i'm starting work tomorrow & school in a month so that will make all the difference.

all i can say so far is that i'm definitely not in jamaica, queens anymore...

oh!
&!
i had a sushi roll called the "green monster" yesterday & i wanted to hate it, but i couldn't...it was too good. i'll just have to rename it something yankees related ; )

a presto!

r.

2 days, 2 nights.

whats the rule for when you have too much to say?
is it that you just don't say anything at all???? because i have had just soooo much going on & just not enough words, not the right words to say so i've been silent...& its been super frustrating, but trust me you didn't want to be subjected to the many posts i've started and deleted since last week.

its july 31st.
tomorrow is august 1st.
i move on august 2nd.
is this real life?


it feels like just yesterday that i had just quit my job at 4am with no backup plan. it really is amazing what can be born out of self crisis. i decided to apply to grad school, registered for the GRE ASAP, & studied my ass off for a couple weeks...
i wrote some essays, got some recommendations, and waited.

& then the news came in the most unexpected way possible...a phone call? yes. a phone call.
& that phone call that i received on the like 2nd or 3rd day of a new job changed everythingggg...

how did i go from having no plan, no direction to being 2 days away from relocating to another city?

miracles? or rather "mirables" (as phil & lil would say)

its been a really long time since i've felt really good about anything.
and im feeling great about the moves im making now.

obviously its all very overwhelming.
i am currently looking all the piles of things i have sitting in my room
&
there is a dresser that needs to be assembled & i am quite scared of it, but these things aren't easy & i can survive the assembling of a dresser! ::nods::

i think my books make up about 85% of my possessions & im not at all sure where im going to put them all
but
i'll figure this all out

i just need to get there & thats happening on thursday.

& i can hardly believe it.

i've had a pretty busy last couple of days...there a ton of "going away" events in my honor, free shots, & awesome pizza.
im going to miss my city, my friends, my fam...
def won't miss the homeless dudes that live on the E train or the pigeons at jamaica center who will defecate on your head & not care.

...until next time (when i finally have internet connetion in my apartment)

i both learned & confirmed some things today...

i'm a bit of a news junkie. if there is breaking news i want 24/7 access to it. if there is something going on in the world that is deserving of this exclusive coverage, my tv is tuned into CNN. period. i'll even watch them loop the same anderson cooper interview over & over...its a bit of a sickness really.
what sucks the most about my insatiable appetite for breaking news? the fact that something terrible has to happen...more times than not, someone has to have died. someone or someonessss.

i woke up at 5:30am...it was one of those rare days that i had to be at work at 8am & the first thing i do when i wake up that early in the morning is turn on the news. i was expecting a weather report, not live footage of a movie theater in colorado where 71 people had just been shot while they were just trying to do what i'd be trying to do hours later...watch a movie.

shock. disbelief. confusion.

is this stuff still happening???? really????
every time something like this happens you kind of think "thats it."...who would think to try something like that again?
i don't get it.
& unless you have the same mindset as some of this mass murderers you never will.

so what did i learn from everything i've seen & read today?
people are sick. & theres nothing we can do about it. nothing. gun laws or no gun laws. evil is evil & it will always find a way. based on what i've seen today i'm going to need to see some kind of miracle to think otherwise.

something i confirmed today?
nowhere is safe. i'm a pretty paranoid person. im very anxious. perpetually scared of almost everything & everyone, but for some reason i never thought i'd have to be scared of going to the movies, but tonight as i sat in the theater waiting for the very movie that the victims of this "massacre" were watching last night, i had to fight really hard to resist the urge to just run out of there.

what now? i read something online tonight & someone said like now going to the movies is ruined for future generations.
true?
i don't fly. i can't say exactly what triggered this crippling fear of flying i've developed seemingly out of nowhere, but it lives & since this fear appeared in the years after 9/11 (although it has absolutely nothing to do with that) i've been told many many times that i have nothing to worry about because its safer to fly now more than ever.
so should we say the same for the movies?

movie theaters across the country were probably the safest places to be today...but what about when this all dies down?
you don't even have to take your shoes off to go through airport security anymore (in some places)
so what happens when there aren't 2 police officers positioned in the theater lobby?
what then?

& why should we have to live with this anxiety??? how unfair...& what does this murderer get? yes, he will get prison time & we will all get justice, but right now while the police still try to de-booby-trap (O_o) his apartment he is getting all the glory he wanted.
i read a tweet today that said
"what if we treated these shooters the way we treat the people who run across baseball fields - don't release their names or pictures?"

which brings me to the other thing i confirmed today:

news people are ruthless. i used to want to be a journalist but im glad i didn't go that route because i just don't have it in me.
there was one shooting victim (grazed by a bullet...alive) who was from brooklyn, nyc. the local news here found his apartment in brooklyn & stalked his roommate trying to interview him. when they couldn't get to him they interviewed the neighbors that barely knew him. dude was alive and well & tweeting pictures of his bloody tshirt - what could you possibly want to know from his neighbors? & when it was clear that they didn't know anything about him other than that he rode a skateboard...why not scrap that story?

they are so greedy, almost desperate for news. probably to appease the people like me, but even i know when a line is crossed, when enoughs enough.
they hunted down the shooters parents, followed his father through the airport.

cnn has been interviewing this one girl ALL DAY. shes been on tv in the same twilight tshirt ALL DAY. i know its her choice to stay there & keep telling & retelling her story, but for goodness sake let her gooooo.
let her goooooo...she should be talking to a counselor, not to don lemon.

geesh.

in conclusion.
at the end of the day, being in the movies, watching the dark knight rises was actually a pretty good escape from the reality of what happened...but i couldn't help but cringe every time the bad guys starting shooting something up...
(NOT a spoiler. its batman. bad guys are always shooting something up)

-sigh-

this is our reality now.

*i don't really feel like proofreading this one. this is as rambly as rambling gets.

r.

this really could just be the heat exhaustion talking...

me: i'm watching this thing on arranged marriages. this pakistani muslim american girl who is 28 was sooooo frustrated & tired of dating that she actually went back to her parents & asked them to find her a husband...

b2: thats gonna be me

me: NO! we must NEVER get that desperate

b2: at this rate we might have to!


unfortunately, b2, you might be right.

so like most single girls my age i was home in bed watching OWN - we all know how i feel about Oprah right? - & the lisa ling show "our america" came on after dateline & the subject of this episode was "holy matrimonies"
the show followed 3 couples - devout christian, muslim, & hasidic jewish - who went the way of faith based arranged marriages.

they also followed one woman as she went backwards a bit. she is 28, muslim american, living on her own miles a way from her family. successful, independent, and she was getting to the point in her life where dating just didn't seem to make sense anymore. she started to feel like finding a spouse on her own was impossible so she decided to ditch a bit of her independence and go back to her parents to find a life partner.

was she really feeling the pressure to be married that much? at 28? yes, she was & i can obvi understand it - a good chunk of the girls i went to high school with are either engaged, married, or have a kid & we're only turning 24 this year. despite not wanting ANY of those things for a VERY LONG time, i mean it'd be nice if i had the option ya know?

but i don't & apparently if i keep going at this rate, im gonna end up 28 & alone & in search of a pakistani matchmaker.

now im pretty sure this is only because its 93 degrees in my room & my insides are boiling down to mush, but the idea of an arranged marriage doesn't seem like too bad an idea.
we know the divorce rate right? 50% or something like that?
well most arranged marriages last longer than what we consider to be conventional marriages
& based on what i saw tonight, its not just because divorce is completely unheard of in these cultures.

i think it has to do with the fact that despite having only known each other 4 months (& in the case of the muslim couple, had only met in person 2 times) or 6 months or what we all consider to be a really short period of time to know someone before we commit to spending the rest of our lives with them, they get to bond over the fact that they've only known each other for 4 months, they've never been alone with another female/male EVER, they've never touched, never experienced alllll the things they will experience together for the rest of their lives.

if that doesnt bring 2 people together, what will?

they talked a lot about how faith trumps love or how their union that is sanctioned by their faith, by their "God" can only lead to love...how there was no way they could have known love before finding the other half that their scriptures and their elders talk about so deeply. that all makes a lot of sense to me.

when you marry someone based on their faith & how it holds up against your own, there is no way that marriage can ever cease to exist because as long as you have your faith you have your love & i totally get that.

now being the girl of very litte faith that i am, im probably never going to get into a faith based arranged marriage...

but maybe as i get closer & closer to that age where my biological clock is hitting snooze way too many times & i feel the need to marry for the first thing i see, i'll keep this 1 hour documentary in mind.
it wasn't the kind of response to arranged marriage that we're all used to seeing on tv.
they were all very happy! happier than most married couple who actually spent 2 years with each other & decided that despite all their difference they'd get married anyway...

they may not have loved each other on their wedding days, but they've grown to love each other & seemingly will always love each other & i guess thats the most important thing?

i guess all im saying is that my future husband better feel exactly the same way i do about the 90s or its just not going to work. if he can't understand why i'm still slightly devastated by lance bass coming out of the closet then we just can't be together. we need to be on the same pageeeeee

no but really. when you google arranged marriage or anything like that you see a lot about couples being "forced" - none of the couples on "our america" were forced into their marriages. they all chose to go this route & they have a wayyy better chance of having their marriages last than the rest of us...
i kind of felt happy for them & lord knows "happiness" is something i NEVER feel for couples.

now please excuse me while i eat these oreos before they melt.

-this has been the late night ramblings of overheated twenty something-