If I end up on an episode of "extreme hoarding", will you still be friends with me?

Today was gorgeousssssssssssssssss!

...did anyone else spend the entire day inside?????
I woke up this morning with every intention of going to yoga class like I have been doing on all my days off since the beginning of the year but I couldn't even make it out of bed. I'm sure you've had those days where you're not feeling 100% - I wasn't even feeling 50%.
I went back to sleep for a couple more hours & woke up feeling very much in the mood for some spring cleaning.

We've all seen hoarders right? or at least know what a hoarder is? now I am no where near that level of pack rat-ness, but I definitely do have some hoarder tendencies.

I'll be making that huge move to Boston in a couple months, and I figured the least amount of old receipts, shoe boxes, credit card statements, commemorative maroon 5 "tea will be loved" snapple bottles I have the easier the move will be on everyone.

Things I am grateful for today:
Shredders
Ibuprofen
Law & Order: SVU marathons
Garbage bags

My aunt has this super high powered shredder that can even shred compact discs! yes, CDs! it shreds cds!
I used this awesome machine to get rid of old pay stubs, receipts, flyers, brochures, my 2010 commencement tickets...you know...things that normal people throw out, not stack up until its an unsightly mess of discolored paper.

I had about 10 newspapers - & yes a few are copies of the daily news my brother was in from june 2011 but i mean most people probably would have just cut out the article right? I stored all 5 copies for almost a year.

As I type, I am staring at a stack of 10 nylons, 3 glamours, & the june 2010 copy of vanity fair - you know the one with all the world cup soccer players in designer undies & no shirts?
its obvious why one would keep that one but what am I going to do with all these back issues of fashion/beauty mags? & why didn't they get tossed along with everything else I weeded out today?
I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I'll spend the next couple of months trying to come up with a use for them & if I don't then they'll probably be moving with me!

I've been living back at home for about 2 years & if I was able to accumulate this amount of crap in the very small space that I occupy here, whats going to happen when i'm in my own house?
Will I have an entire wing of my house for my plastic/paper shopping bags?
did I mention that I have about 35 forever 21 shopping bags?

I seem to have a hard time letting go of things, people, places, thoughts, feelings...& apparently every paper I wrote in college.

Does anyone else feel like they are most definitely going to need that sociology paper they wrote freshman year one day in the distant future?

Don't we all still have a copy of our 2007 fafsa???

also,
when the state condemns my house & takes my children away because I make them sleep on beds made of old nylon magazines
will you still be friends with me?

#happythankyoumoreplease

1. see that movie. its amazing...
2. in the movie one of the characters talks about gratitude and how conscious she is of thanking the powers that be for all the good that comes her way - all the "happy"...as a believer/supporter/good word spreader/skeptic of the secret i ate that right up & adopted "happythankyoumoreplease" which is a pretty simple way to make sure you're giving thanks...

that being said:

i've been chanting "happythankyoumoreplease" almost every hour on the hour since yesterday because i was officially accepted to the publishing & writing program at emerson college!

As you may (or may not) know (depending on how closely you follow the goings on of my life...which is probably not very closely at all unless you're one of the friends i force to listen to me rant about the goings on of my life) i have been waiting impatiently/anxiously for my decision from ec.

i was actually starting to think that maybe i hadn't heard back yet because they were hunting for someone who had actually gotten into graduate school to skillfully craft my rejection letter.

can you even begin to imagine the feeling i had when i listened to my voicemail and had a missed call from the assistant director of grad admissions?
it is my opinion that one has not fully experienced nervousness until their entire body is shaking right down to the bone.

that phone call could have gone 2 ways - either i was going to be accepted or i was going to be rejected, but as the phone was ringing it felt like there were a million different possibilities.

long story short: emerson called because the original acceptance letter they sent me had the wrong program. it said i had been accepted to the creative writing program when the program i applied to was the publishing & writing so they had to call because obviously if i had gotten the original letter without any warning i probably would have just had an anxiety attack & passed out.

so i will have 2 copies of my acceptance letter! can you believe it? i didn't even think i would have 1!

in the days leading up to my acceptance i started a list of "things i will do if i get into emerson"
it included cutting my hair really, really short & dying it honey blonde (is that even a real color?)
ummm now that im actually in i'm gonna have to uhhh reconsider that one.

so i'm in!...now what?

i've got 5 months to get my ish together - to save, to apartment hunt, to move...
life is about to get overwhelmingggggg
but i thank the universe for it every day
i'd rather be overwhelmed than underwhelmed.

i guess this is the way things always work out. you get the most when you least expect it.
i just switched jobs & the timing couldn't be better.

i'm excited for all the positive change. i hope that everything works out & that this time next year i'll be in to my 2nd semester of graduate school!

can you even imagine me? with a masters? yes? well i mean yea i'm pretty predictable : )

stay tunedddddddddddddddddddd

that awkward moment when your yoga instructor plays "lost without you" by robin thicke...

...& downward dog loses its innocence.

i wonder how much time yoga instructors put into creating their playlists. some of them seem precise & deliberate while others sound rushed or typical. i think the music is one of the most important parts of practice. no, there does not have to be any music at all, but if there is it has to be right...don't ya think?
the wrong song can just throw your whole flow off...

so on my way home from class tonight i compiled a list of songs on my ipod that "yoga instructor ru" would have looping during a 60min class...

little dragon - twice
the almost - dirty & left out
caroline - drove me to the wall
amy winehouse - half time
matchbox 20 - 3am (piano acoustic)
caroline - all i need
frou frou - let go
zero 7 - in the waiting line
lemar - i believe in a thing called love (acoustic cover)*
culture club - victims
blonde redhead - pink love
frou frou - shh
jason mraz - who needs shelter
caroline - drove me to the wall**
john mayer - heartbreak warfare
kings of leon - pickup truck
tracy chapman - fast car
ok go - oh lately its so quiet
lydia - stay awake
lykke li - time flies
the dear hunter - 1878
phoenix - rome
the postal service - sleeping in
incubus - 11am
smashing pumpkins - 1979
sonic youth - superstar
the spice girls - 2 become 1***
sting & the buena vista social club - fragilidad
the temper trap - rest
tommy james & the shondells - crimson & clover
west indian girl - northern sky
blonde redhead - anticipation

im gonna spend some time putting this list into an order that flows & hopefully i'll use it one day when i have my yoga instructors license****

*stolen from a class i took on tuesday
** anything in bold is a personal fav
*** it would be the "lost without you" moment of my class
**** more about my yoga experience & my new desire to become a yoga instructor to come...

& now...a valentine's day playlist.

did i seem overly bitter this valentine's day?
if so...i apologize. its just that i was watching the e! true hollywood story: ice-t & coco & well coco was 23 when she met ice-t & knew that she was ready to settle down & well ummm i turn 24 this year & ummmm yea! sooooo...where was i going with this?
oh!
so i was headed to yoga today & at first thought i would just skip through all the sappy/lovey dovey songs on my ipod that would most likely cause me to get off the train & jump onto the subway tracks BUT then i started compiling what i think is a pretty decent list of songs that will help anyone get through valentine's day whether you're hopelessly single or 2 months into the relationship that you think will last forever, but will actually be over by st patrick's day ::nods::

here goes!
1. the cardigans - junk of hearts
2. fall out boy - xo
3. alanis morissette - not the doctor
4. MIA - paper planes
5. janis joplin - i need a man to love me
6. the spice girls - something kind of funny
7. incubus - warning
8. the black kids - i'm not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you
9. chromeo - rage
10. paramore - conspiracy
11. saosin - bury your head
12. q-tip - you
13. the strokes - under cover of darkness
14*. head automatica - beating heart baby

this might seem like the most random list of songs ever, but they're all really awesome songs (in my opinion...& in the case of the spice girls: in the opinion of 12yr old rudine)

happy listening!

* 14 songs? get it? yea...

winter blues.

I've definitely got them.

& no, its not because i will be valentine-less tomorrow. i really have no problem being my own valentine. Who knows what i want better than ummm me? i'd like valentine's day themed cupcakes - lots of pink frosting & red sprinkles, a bag of original conversation hearts, & a box of wine to help forget that i'm sitting at home alone in bed with pink frosting all over my face & an empty bag of conversation hearts under my pillow ::nods::

so no its not valentine's day
its just
winter.

things i hate most about winter:

1. obviously the cold weather. yes, it has been kind of a mild winter & i've been able to wear my toms a lot more than i thought i would but still! on those days when its below 32 degrees??? BAHUMBUG.
2. snow! soooo fine okay again im complaining about something we havent really had much of! butttt i mean it kinda snowed a little and it was gross. the buses get gross, the subway smells even worse than it normally does and i can't wear my toms so! again i say BAHUMBUG
3. its just so dark & gray all the time. where is the sun dammit? its only 5pm...why is it so dark?
4. winter coats - just so bulky yet somehow they never seem to be warm enough. aren't you 90% down? why do i feel such a chill in my bones? also, what am i supposed to do with you when i'm in a bar or something? i'm definitely not paying for coat check & ummm no i will not leave my coat here while i bounce over there to mingle or something...so fine - i guess i'll just say home & not meet my future husband who i was probably supposed to meet at the penny farthing last month but couldn't because i was home avoiding having to carry my coat around with me all night
5. i just end up wearing all the same things over and over because i mean no ones really going to see it anyway because i'm gonna have my coat on most of the time...most of my clothes go unworn & i miss them. i miss using my flannels as a sweater/jacket. i miss wearing my skirts & tanks & blah blah...

more things i miss about "not winter"?:

1. outdoor concerts/music festivals
2. park sitting & people watching for hoursssss
3. my straw fedora (i need a new one)
4. sandals
5. (more) food trucks
6. iced chais
7. rooftop bars
8. outdoor sitting at restaurants (where it is totally appropriate to consume multiple frozen margaritas)
9. short skirts/short shorts/dresses
10. milkshakes
11. the beach

i mostly just miss the adventures that summer days bring...i rarely ever know whats going to happen. i leave my house just to get outside & go from there & its great.
i feel so confined to this room, to this bed...

1 groundhog saw his shadow, 1 groundhog didn't. 1 is from PA, 1 is from NY...i think we all know who i'm going with!

is it spring yet?

oh & updates soon! i've got news to share...& no it isn't about grad school. they're still making me sweat it out...stay tuned!

"Are you reading, writing, laughing?"

I got very brief e-mail from my former academic advisor turned current life advisor & she closed it by asking a question that kept me thinking for hours...

Am I reading?

I finished Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling about 2 weeks ago now and i've been forcing myself not to reread it every since.
Before that I finally finished The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. It took me a while - Its a great book but I just wasn't in the right state of mind. It was hard for me to stay focused. It was emotionally heavy, there was a lot to take in, a lot to feel. Mindy's book was very refreshing and light & just what I needed to really get back into reading mode.
I have dozens of books that serve as proof that I used to be a reader, but if there ever was a symbol of my lack of motivation for/dedication to anything, including reading, it is 2666 by Roberto Bolano.
I have been "reading" this book for going on about 3 years now? I purchased it the summer after my junior year at SNHU. My advisor/professor was & probably still is pretty obsessed with all things Bolano & is the biggest cheerleader for this 800+ page novel.
I've attempted to get past page 56 about 4 times & have failed miserably. I don't know what it is - the novel reads pretty easily & despite being about .01% in there is plenty of "drama" that if it were happening to people I know & not fictional characters in London would have me hooked.
I think I just keep looking at the book & thinking "there is no way i'm going to finish that" & as long as I keep saying that its most definitely going to be true...so i've decided to give this 800 pager another go...I have also given myself a deadline. I need to be finished with it by February 21st...because thats when The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest by Stieg Larson is finally released on paperback...i have been waiting for that for ummm almost 2 years now?!
So
Am I reading?
Yes.

Am I Writing?

I have dozens of notebooks that prove that I used to be a writer. I say used to because writers write & I haven't been doing much of that lately.
I can't say that I'm not writing anymore because I don't have any stories to tell, any thing I need to get off of my chest & out of my head...because trust me I DO.
I just haven't been making the time for it, and thats the number one rule isn't it? make time to write?
I've been taking baby steps toward that with this blog but these are just the ramblings of a frustrated 20 something...
This form of writing keeps me where I am. I need to start writing fiction again so I can live vicariously through my characters.
I really do miss it & much like the attempt I'm making to finish the unfinishable novel...i'm going to make that time to create.
So
Am I writing?
Kind of...
and in a few weeks I'd like to be able to ask myself that question again & say
"Yes, yes I am..."

Am I Laughing?

I've been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother lately so...yes, I am laughing.
I am laughing a lot.
I love laughing. I love that no matter how sad I am feeling, how anxious, how frustrated, how discouraged, how anything, if something is funny I am going to laugh & I am going to laugh until I can feel the muscles in my stomach begin to resist the laughter, I am going to laugh until I feel great again.
I can lose my motivation to read, my dedication to writing, but the laughter? that never goes away...

How is it possible that my advisor was able to basically ask me if everything was alright in my life in only 5 words?
If the answer to all 3 parts of those questions is ever "NO" then I've really got some living to do
but as long as the answers are yes, kind of, & yes...then I know i'm doing a lot better than I think I am...*

*i used a lot of ellipsis in this post. I use it a lot in my life. its a terrible habit, but i love it and i refuse to stop. especially in something as informal as my own blog.
It is only one of the grammatical liberties I take. i rarely ever capitalize the letter "I", Im pretty sure I never actually learned proper comma usage and have managed to make it through high school, college, & a editing internship without it, & I use "-" way too much because I get attached to sentences and never want them to end.

"Always Wear Flats and Have Your Friends Sleep Over: A Step-by-Step How-To Guide for Avoiding Getting Murdered"

a few more alternate titles for Mindy Kaling's collection of essays?

The Girl with No Tattoo
I Want Dirk Nowitzki to Host Saturday Night Live So Much That I'm Making it the Title of my Book
&
There Has Ceased to Be a Difference Between My Awake Clothes and My Asleep Clothes*

While I was able to make instant connections to these possible titles, I'm kind of glad she went with Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) because its the question girls like me have been asking ourselves since 7th grade.

Lets be honest...who knew Mindy Kaling was such a jane of all trades? Obviously as a pretty big fan of The Office, I knew almost everything one needed to know about Kelly Kapor, but what did I know about Mindy Kaling other than that she was the actress who played Kelly Kapor?
I'd seen her name pop up as co-executive producer but what did that mean anyway?
I'm not one to really check out all the credits for a show or any particular episode but if I had I would have learned that Mindy has been a writer on The Office since season 1 & that she has already directed a couple episodes.

Other things I learned about Mindy Kaling:
1. she loves making lists (this book consists mostly of lists)
2. her real name is vera & her "american name" comes from the show Mork & Mindy
3. She grew up in Massachusetts
3. She went to Dartmouth...IN NEW HAMPSHIRE (Dear Min, I went to college in New Hampshire too can we be besties?)
4. she has pretty much known since birth that she wanted to be a comedienne
5. she is a writer, actor, producer, director, shop-a-holic, & knower of pretty much all things awkward
6. she & rainn wilson mask their rock solid friendship by publicly hating each other
7. she is everything I would love to be

Here is why
Well obviously because she nailed her very first attempt at writing a book. It took her about a year & a half but it seems effortless. If i wanted to, I could have read this book in one sitting. "...And Other Concerns" is only about 220 pages, but even if it was 500 I still could have just sat in my bed indian style, flipping pages, laughing hysterically, and taking note of every quote that made me go "get out of my head, min!" [about half way through I started calling her Min, we're that cool...well we would be if we knew each other ::nods::]
instead
I kept stopping myself whenever the book started getting too good. I didn't want it to end...ever...and when it did (as I sat in the break room at my job)...my life suddenly lacked some purpose.

My purpose for the last 2 days had been to read this book, fall in love (in the most heterosexual, non fatal attraction-ish way possible) with mindy, and be inspired.
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? made me want to write a book, it made me want to write a play based on ben affleck & matt damon or w/e the current bromance is? maybe I could have tackled brad & clooney ::nods::
it made me want to keep at everything i'm doing now because even Mindy had to suffer through the post-grad limbo, working jobs you never thought you'd have work, dealing with people you never thought you'd have to deal with & look at her now!

I think in order to be as successful as she has, both in her career & personal life, you'd have to kind of look at life the way she does. She's super light & funny about it. Yes shes emotional & rambly like the rest of us but she turned some of her most embarrassing experiences into an amazing-ly written book.
You have to be accepting of yourself in ways you never thought you could be ::nods::

What else can I say about this book other than that it is my mid 20s bible & Mindy Kaling just might have passed Oprah** as my own personal Jesus?

All that is left for me to say about Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) without completely giving it away:

1. buy it.
2. read it.
3. you will love it...i promise.
4. i think boys can read it too but they probably won't really get it...especially when she goes into how pierce brosnan's chest hair pretty much changed her life
5. upon completion of her book you will conclude that Mindy is everyone you would ever want to know rolled into one awesome person...& if not then...whatever your opinion doesn't reallllllly matter anyway! just mine & min's!...i'm kidding...kind of?

Oh! & have you not heard of "Androgynous Kids & Puppets"?***


*for the rest of the list please see page 7 of this extraordinary piece of non-fiction ::nods::
**i initially typed her name with a lower case "o" & spell checked promptly notified me of my blasphemy...Oprah [capital "O", ya'll!] maintains her #1 spot on my list of "Jesuses"
***the final reason i think you should get, read, & love this book immediately