"Are you reading, writing, laughing?"

I got very brief e-mail from my former academic advisor turned current life advisor & she closed it by asking a question that kept me thinking for hours...

Am I reading?

I finished Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling about 2 weeks ago now and i've been forcing myself not to reread it every since.
Before that I finally finished The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. It took me a while - Its a great book but I just wasn't in the right state of mind. It was hard for me to stay focused. It was emotionally heavy, there was a lot to take in, a lot to feel. Mindy's book was very refreshing and light & just what I needed to really get back into reading mode.
I have dozens of books that serve as proof that I used to be a reader, but if there ever was a symbol of my lack of motivation for/dedication to anything, including reading, it is 2666 by Roberto Bolano.
I have been "reading" this book for going on about 3 years now? I purchased it the summer after my junior year at SNHU. My advisor/professor was & probably still is pretty obsessed with all things Bolano & is the biggest cheerleader for this 800+ page novel.
I've attempted to get past page 56 about 4 times & have failed miserably. I don't know what it is - the novel reads pretty easily & despite being about .01% in there is plenty of "drama" that if it were happening to people I know & not fictional characters in London would have me hooked.
I think I just keep looking at the book & thinking "there is no way i'm going to finish that" & as long as I keep saying that its most definitely going to be true...so i've decided to give this 800 pager another go...I have also given myself a deadline. I need to be finished with it by February 21st...because thats when The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest by Stieg Larson is finally released on paperback...i have been waiting for that for ummm almost 2 years now?!
So
Am I reading?
Yes.

Am I Writing?

I have dozens of notebooks that prove that I used to be a writer. I say used to because writers write & I haven't been doing much of that lately.
I can't say that I'm not writing anymore because I don't have any stories to tell, any thing I need to get off of my chest & out of my head...because trust me I DO.
I just haven't been making the time for it, and thats the number one rule isn't it? make time to write?
I've been taking baby steps toward that with this blog but these are just the ramblings of a frustrated 20 something...
This form of writing keeps me where I am. I need to start writing fiction again so I can live vicariously through my characters.
I really do miss it & much like the attempt I'm making to finish the unfinishable novel...i'm going to make that time to create.
So
Am I writing?
Kind of...
and in a few weeks I'd like to be able to ask myself that question again & say
"Yes, yes I am..."

Am I Laughing?

I've been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother lately so...yes, I am laughing.
I am laughing a lot.
I love laughing. I love that no matter how sad I am feeling, how anxious, how frustrated, how discouraged, how anything, if something is funny I am going to laugh & I am going to laugh until I can feel the muscles in my stomach begin to resist the laughter, I am going to laugh until I feel great again.
I can lose my motivation to read, my dedication to writing, but the laughter? that never goes away...

How is it possible that my advisor was able to basically ask me if everything was alright in my life in only 5 words?
If the answer to all 3 parts of those questions is ever "NO" then I've really got some living to do
but as long as the answers are yes, kind of, & yes...then I know i'm doing a lot better than I think I am...*

*i used a lot of ellipsis in this post. I use it a lot in my life. its a terrible habit, but i love it and i refuse to stop. especially in something as informal as my own blog.
It is only one of the grammatical liberties I take. i rarely ever capitalize the letter "I", Im pretty sure I never actually learned proper comma usage and have managed to make it through high school, college, & a editing internship without it, & I use "-" way too much because I get attached to sentences and never want them to end.