in this post, i will address 3 things:
1. the july issue of gq
2. michael jackson's death & how it affected me (i will try to be as brief as possible b/c this topic could really go on for ages & ages &pages & pages)
3. "baby one more time" & how it continues to affect me
here goes!
1. so there i am - in grand central station - minding my own business, trying to find track 108 when i walk past a news stand. instantly i start looking for the new issue of gentleman's quarterly & it didn't take me very long to find it. the cover is kind of hard to miss - it is the issue every man has been waiting all year for - a cover girl instead of the usual cover guy. its the special july issue - red, white, & blue everything. the cover girl? kate upton. blonde bombshell hair, barely there bikini top, fire cracker popsicle, tongue on said popsicle in the most suggestive of ways.
"RED HOT AMERICAN SUMMER"
i was disgusted, but i couldn't look away - which i guess is the point?
i felt betrayed.
how in the world could gq do this to me?! i look to that magazine for comfort & refuge & to know what men are wearing, reading, thinking not to feel bad about myself! couldn't you pick a more homely looking girl? did it have to be kate upton & her giant breasts? do they not make bikini tops in her size? is it even legal to have so much side boob on the cover of a magazine? innocent children have access to this cover ya know!
somehow i managed to stop staring into her eyes & saw that this issue also included a bit about "the greatest team in the history of sports". it was the only reason i even touched the magazine. i opened it up & found the article about the dream team & started to read...& then my hand slipped & the magazine closed & as i tried to find the article again i flipped to the page that had a half naked kate upton staring up at me suggestively [yet again], her hands the only thing covering her nipples & i scowled and shoved the magazine back onto its shelf.
"BLURGH!"
you win, gq, you win! i officially feel like shit because i will never look like kate upton in a bikini. it wouldn't surprise me if this issue was your best selling issue to date & i refuseee to be a part of it.
instead i will use that money to start a special savings account that i will call "funds for my plastic surgery to look like kate upton...or for the pints of ice cream i will consume as i sit at home & cry about how i will never look like kate upton"
something like that...
2. where were you when you found out that michael jackson died? i was in the flat iron building, or rather...on my way out. on my way home from a long day of interning. i'd been texting with a friend who told me MJ was dead & i didn't believe it. so i called my dad to confirm & he told me it was ridiculous. probably a rumor. theres no way he was dead. i hung up & headed home. i remember feeling kind of somber, weird on my train ride. everyone was quiet. nothing unusual happened which was very rare for the nyc subway. & then i was waiting for the bus when my dad called & said that yes, it was true michael jackson was dead.
what causes us to feel things for people we've never met? people who didn't even know we existed?
it was some of the saddest couple of days of my life. i actually cried. why? it was unexpected yes, but inevitable. it was bound to happen but i guess we never figured it would be so soon.
i think what affected me the most was that i had never lived in a world without michael jackson...ya know?
for as long as i had been alive, michael jackson had been alive & making music & entertaining & being great at it all & now he was gone & thats it all we have left is a legacy...
i don't know how to really explain this without sounding like some kind of psycho fanatic.
one day yearssss from now our children will be feeling this way about...us? & about whatever entertainer from our generation makes as big an imprint in the industry as mj has & i begggg the universe that it isn't beyowulf aka beyonce aka my arch nemesis.
we'll be feeling this way again probably when the last beatle dies or when queen elizabeth stops being immortal.
its not about who they are in terms of their relationship to you, but more of the place they had in society & how you just assumed they'd always be around, always be a presence.
it is also a reminder of how all anyone ever wants or ever should want is to never be forgotten.
michael jackson will always be around. he made sure of that.
today marks 3 years since he died. time fliessssssssss.
#rip
3. i almost always have my ipod on shuffle. i've been having commitment issues lately & so its very difficult for me to decide on an artist or an album that i want to listen to for my entire commute. so i've been just sifting through 2000+. i spend the majority of my time on the train hitting the next button, i listen to a couple songs - some for the first few minutes, some only for a second or 2 before i decide its just not what i need right now. sometimes i think my ipod knows me better than i know myself. im always convinced that she knows exactly what i need to hear when i need to hear it. i always ignore the fact that i had to get through 300 wrong choices before she gets it right but when she does its oh so right!
the best decision she made all week was to play "baby one more time" by ms. spears. its been a long time since i've listened to that song in its entirety but for some reason that day as i was getting off the train & speed walking up spring street it was exactly what i needed to hear. it was bittersweet. it brought me back to 98! remember 1998?? what a great year! nsync, carson daly, virgin megastore. oh to be 10 years old again!
it was a great time in my life, so it was amazing feeling hearing this song again, thinking about how awesome & filled with pop music those years were...-sigh- but then theres the other feeling. those days are gone. im not 10 im 23 & 9 months old now & nsync doesn't really exist anymore. all i have of those years are fond memories & a few compact discs. remember those? compact discs?
i remember the baby one more time video like it was just yesterday. i miss that britney! so innocent! so cute! wanting to be hit one more time - hit with what exactly? is there some kind of hidden meaning that 10 year old ru couldn't possible pick up on? is there something i'm still missing now?
probably.
well, brit, its been 14 years & my loneliness is still killing me...how bout yours?
-r.
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