imagine my excitement when i walked into duane reade & saw a brand new gentleman's quarterly staring at me! & we all know how i feel about d. rose...right? i skimmed through it on my lunch break, but that definitely was not enough time to take in all the knowledge (& ridiculously handsome men) gq was throwing at me so i took advantage of this rainy afternoon to give the magazine a thorough read...& this is what i learned:
1. derrick rose cleans up very nicely. if i was allowed to tape things to my wall (i live with my neurotic aunt & i'm not even allowed to touch the walls really) i would have already ripped the cover off this bad boy & taped it right next to my pillow.
2. wouldn't you think a men's magazine would be filled with tons of "half-naked chicks"??? i'm pretty sure there are more shirtless & well dressed men in this magazine than fully dressed females. why? guys use this magazine as a guide to style, life, & in the case of this issue, marriage! theres plenty of time to flip through maxim magazine so when guys have an issue of gq in hand you better believe they're reading the articles. how else will they know how to turn that business suit into a "post-business" suit?
3. when i move to boston i will spend most of the time i am not in class or working lurking around the jack wills newbury street store. theres a small write up in the mag for jack wills this very preppy [in a rugged kind of way] men's wear brand that comes to us here in the states from britain. gq calls the company "the new king of collegiate prep" & they use actual boston store employees in the shoot & ummmm yea. they will soon know me...as "the creepy girl who comes in to stare at us & never buys anything"
4. how to fillet my catch: if i ever went fishing (the odds of that happening = very unlikely) i now know how to properly fillet the tiny fish i would catch. my arms are just not strong enough to fight anything massive out of raging waters.
5. "The 11 things in the culture that matter this month: its called the punch list. they describe the list as "the good, the bad, the obscure, & the unavoidable". The list includes some advice on getting girls who are way out of your league both on & off the screen by the hilarious chris pratt (andy from parks & rec anyone???? love him!), a chick flick survival guide, and a love/hate piece on everybodys favorite prankster sacha baron cohen. what did this list teach me? that most guys: [whether or not they have looks like adam levine... & moves like jagger] still need a confidence boost every now & then, fear the chick flick, read a lot more memoirs than you might think - it isn't always just a graphic novel or a zombie survival guide, & (surprisingly enough)don't always think sacha baron cohen is funny...hmmmmm
6. the definition of "himbo": in "the rise of the himbo" the gq intelligence section defines a himbo as "a bimbo with balls"...eloquent right? profround even...who made the gq himbo list?: matthew mcconaughey, the situation, channing tatum, kenny 'motherfuckin' powers, john hamm in bridesmaids, john hamm in 30 rock, john hamm on snl, & pitbull...just to name a few.
7. brooklyn decker is the only exception to the "no girls allowed" rule. yes gq isn't playboy, but men are men & they need at least one hot woman to drool over for awhile. enter: brooklyn decker. i guess they need some kind of reward for making it through all the 5 page articles in the surprisingly long intelligence section. i also learned that brooklyn decker was put on this earth to make girls like me never want to put on a swimsuit everrrrr again ::nods::
8. "SMALL IS HUGE": ladies, the collar on your mans dress shirts is about to get much smaller than yours. it'll be very awkward at first, but i've been looking over these pictures for awhile now & trust me it gets better with time. also, tassel'ed loafers are the way to go ::nods::
9. was i the only one that thought tiger woods could do no wrong in the eyes of most, if not all, sports loving guys? how wrong i was! "tiger woods - the real tiger - is still the same cursing, pouting, hermetically sealed prima donna he's always been, before the car wreck, before the affairs, before the fall. and if all that didn't change him, then nothing will. OUCH. tell me how you really feel...
10. no matter how great you think your marriage is going & how in love you both are, your husband will still always want to bang the cleaning lady...& according to gq that is totes "okay"...definitely something that can only be said in this magazine. had that sentence made its way into cosmo, we'd be talking women down off ledges all around the world right now.
& thats the short list. i would never have enough time to go through everythingggg i learned about gentlemen & about myself!
but
i am soooo rife with knowledge! full of insight into the male species! how they dress, what they're reading, who they're listening to, & even what they're not eating anymore (strawberry frosted donuts with rainbow sprinkles).
the one thing i didn't learn? where conde naste finds the hot totties that live on the pages of this magazine & now in my heart.
until next month!
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