"whoever you are, wherever you are...i'm starting to think we're a lot alike. human beings spinning on blackness. all wanting to be seen, touched, heard, paid attention to..."* -frank ocean
i woke up this morning to twitter news that frank ocean had "come out of the closet".
obviously i was surprised. i don't think that any of us, the ones that do not know frank ocean on any kind of personal level, would have had any idea of these truths he's been struggling with for years now.
after the surprise came this overwhelming happiness for him. he wrote at the end of his statement that he feels like a free man. i can't even begin to imagine what this must have been like for him - being a young black hip hop artist and a bi-sexual/gay man in the spotlight. he was featured so heavily on watch the throne, novacane & swim good were all you could everrr hear on the radio at one point, he has legions of females who'd give anything to be serenaded by him. what a risk he took with his new album, what bravery!
2 reason that i am extremely jealous of frank ocean:
1. have you read his "statement". it was something originally meant for the thank you's for the new album, and its one of the most beautifully written stories i have ever read. as a frank ocean fan i have obviously been privy to his writings but this is not a song. this is a piece of prose that i think rivals that of most "professional" writers. i'm not sure james patterson or one of this ghost writers could write anything so beautiful. i know snooki definitely couldn't.
so much talent in one person. its unbelievable. in enviable. i am currently green with envy.
2. what makes his words so beautiful? how honest they are, how real they are. can you imagine being so straight forward with complete strangers?**
i wish, i wish, i wish...
i've always thought that my fear of being too honest has always held me back as a writer. everything i've ever written has been so surface its nuts. even this blog only represents a small percentage of what i'm ever really thinking, feeling, or going through...
i don't like being vulnerable...EVER & i think thats something you have to sacrifice if you ever want to create something real.
even in fiction.
writers write what they know, what they've lived. even if it isn't a verbatim account of their first relationship there are bits and pieces of it spread throughout the relationships of their cast of characters.
one of my biggest fears as a writer is that everyone will read my books and then have access to every awkward or private moment in my life.
i don't plan on being a crime fiction writer, so for the most part i'll be writing about life and what life do i know better than my own? so obviously anything i write will be rife with my own feelings and as of right now thats something i'm just not comfortable with.
we all have our secrets, and while they may not be anything as heavy as frank ocean's, we are still entitled to them.
i obviously think there is nothing wrong with keeping things to yourself, but all i am saying is that as an artist i am extremely conflicted.
so what does this mean for me as a writer?
i guess i have a couple options...
i can work on that baby sitters club spinoff series i've been meaning to get around to since i was 10
or
i can get comfortable with spilling my guts to friends, family, and complete strangers.
i guess the one good thing about my fear of vulnerability is that my family won't ever have to worry about the release of some tell all memoir disguised as fiction - i wouldn't do to them, anything i wouldn't do to myself! lol
frank ocean gets it, a lot of real artists get it. channel orange is one of the most anticipated albums of the year, frank ocean was well aware of the attention it would get and im sure he just wanted to give us all something he could be proud of not only in the quality of the music, but also in its content. i think he has just gotten to a point in his life where he just couldn't be proud of this work if he wasn't entirely true to himself.
his honesty today is super commendable and i can't wait to see what happens next. i hope he continues to receive the kindness and respect he deserves. he took a hugeeeee risk today and its something i think all artist can learn from...
-r.
* one day i'm just gonna very openly plagiarize this ::nods::
** all the frank ocean is gay rumors started this week because of how honest he is in his new album, channel orange - using hims instead of hers
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