I have gotten so much feed back about my reaction to the verdict.
I don't think I can ever fully express my gratitude for all the kind words.
Thank you all for reaching out & for most importantly sharing my post.
It has gotten a ridiculous amount of views since I posted it less than 24 hours ago, and that means I was able to write something that resonates with a lot more people than I could have ever imagined.
There are hundreds and thousands of people who feel the way I do about Trayvon Martin and the circumstances surrounding his death. Which means that there are hundreds and thousands of us who can make sure that he did not die vain.
This is the link to the NAACP petition to the Department of Justice. SIGN IT.
There is so much more we can do! You guys know how to use the internet! Do it!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
what should I feel if not devalued?: my initial thoughts on the verdict that left me speechless.
“Being black is really hard. I admit my privilege but it’s still tough” -Kelli A. J.
And some people are always trying to take that away from us. I do not know why and I do not think I will every know why, but what I do know is that the outcome of the George Zimmerman trial is proof that we, black people, have a right to feel this weight.
Let’s call a spade a spade: we have always been second class citizens in this country and we always will be.
As I wrote that first paragraph, I thought ‘man, I sound like someone who has been on this earth much longer than 24 years.’ I sound like I lived through the civil rights movement. In reality I was born in 1988, I went to catholic school from kindergarten through high school, I went to college on academic scholarship, and I am just twenty credits away from my master’s degree. This verdict, this injustice for Trayvon Martin has forced me to accept the fact that none of that matters. How do I explain to my future son why he is not allowed to go to the store alone EVER?
My father got his ‘I told you so” in tonight. We have always had this back and forth about race, race relations, and racism in America -- him telling it like [I now know] it is and me brushing it off as some old school paranoia, something he needed to let go. He didn’t rub it in the way he could have because even he is shocked by this outcome. Even he thought that maybe, just maybe an innocent young man would get some justice.
I can’t help but feel that my life will never be the same. Something has definitely changed. My best friend got it very right tonight when she sent me a text that said simply “this is our Rodney King case.”
I don’t even know what it is I am feeling, I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it anger? Is it fear? Some combination of the two? Either way I am allowed to feel it and I resent anyone who says that “this” was not about race or that we’re “just angry” or somehow irrational for feeling the way we do, for thinking the way my father and all his civil rights era peers think. They want to do away with affirmative action because it gives “us” an unfair advantage. HA! For minorities in this country there is no advantage. Black president or not, we live in a country where black skin is enough proof that you are up to no good, that you deserve to be shot down in the street. George Zimmerman is allowed to be afraid of Trayvon Martin but Trayvon Martin was not allowed to be afraid of George Zimmerman.
A few hours later and I think I know what I’m feeling now -- just straight up uncomfortable.
Tonight a good friend of mine said “I feel like I just got called a nigger by my country and it doesn’t feel good at all.”
It doesn't feel good.
Is what I’m feeling now the way I should feel when I am the only black student in my classes? when I'm the only black person in the office? at the party?
Its like being shocked out of your sleep, like having a bucket of ice water thrown in your face.
I was forced to accept a lot of things tonight.
One thing I am ready to accept is that this post will fall on deaf ears [blind eyes?]. Some people just won’t understand how I feel or why I am feeling it. And there are a lot of people who just don’t care. The silence on my Facebook newsfeed was palpable.
“Next time you hear someone ask "Why do you have to be "black?" why can't you just be American?" remember this moment.” -@elonjames
This isn’t about playing the “race card”. This isn’t about giving Al Sharpton something to do. This is about the fact that Trayvon Martin is someone we [and I guess I am speaking for all black people here] can identify with -- Trayvon Martin could have been my twin brother or my seventeen year old nephew -- and tonight it was ruled that his life wasn’t even worth the bag of skittles he went out to buy.
What should I be feeling if not anger? What should I be feeling if not disgust? What should I feel if not [straight up] uncomfortable? George Zimmerman was given back his gun tonight. What should I be feeling if not fear?
And some people are always trying to take that away from us. I do not know why and I do not think I will every know why, but what I do know is that the outcome of the George Zimmerman trial is proof that we, black people, have a right to feel this weight.
Let’s call a spade a spade: we have always been second class citizens in this country and we always will be.
As I wrote that first paragraph, I thought ‘man, I sound like someone who has been on this earth much longer than 24 years.’ I sound like I lived through the civil rights movement. In reality I was born in 1988, I went to catholic school from kindergarten through high school, I went to college on academic scholarship, and I am just twenty credits away from my master’s degree. This verdict, this injustice for Trayvon Martin has forced me to accept the fact that none of that matters. How do I explain to my future son why he is not allowed to go to the store alone EVER?
My father got his ‘I told you so” in tonight. We have always had this back and forth about race, race relations, and racism in America -- him telling it like [I now know] it is and me brushing it off as some old school paranoia, something he needed to let go. He didn’t rub it in the way he could have because even he is shocked by this outcome. Even he thought that maybe, just maybe an innocent young man would get some justice.
I can’t help but feel that my life will never be the same. Something has definitely changed. My best friend got it very right tonight when she sent me a text that said simply “this is our Rodney King case.”
I don’t even know what it is I am feeling, I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it anger? Is it fear? Some combination of the two? Either way I am allowed to feel it and I resent anyone who says that “this” was not about race or that we’re “just angry” or somehow irrational for feeling the way we do, for thinking the way my father and all his civil rights era peers think. They want to do away with affirmative action because it gives “us” an unfair advantage. HA! For minorities in this country there is no advantage. Black president or not, we live in a country where black skin is enough proof that you are up to no good, that you deserve to be shot down in the street. George Zimmerman is allowed to be afraid of Trayvon Martin but Trayvon Martin was not allowed to be afraid of George Zimmerman.
A few hours later and I think I know what I’m feeling now -- just straight up uncomfortable.
Tonight a good friend of mine said “I feel like I just got called a nigger by my country and it doesn’t feel good at all.”
It doesn't feel good.
Is what I’m feeling now the way I should feel when I am the only black student in my classes? when I'm the only black person in the office? at the party?
Its like being shocked out of your sleep, like having a bucket of ice water thrown in your face.
I was forced to accept a lot of things tonight.
One thing I am ready to accept is that this post will fall on deaf ears [blind eyes?]. Some people just won’t understand how I feel or why I am feeling it. And there are a lot of people who just don’t care. The silence on my Facebook newsfeed was palpable.
“Next time you hear someone ask "Why do you have to be "black?" why can't you just be American?" remember this moment.” -@elonjames
This isn’t about playing the “race card”. This isn’t about giving Al Sharpton something to do. This is about the fact that Trayvon Martin is someone we [and I guess I am speaking for all black people here] can identify with -- Trayvon Martin could have been my twin brother or my seventeen year old nephew -- and tonight it was ruled that his life wasn’t even worth the bag of skittles he went out to buy.
What should I be feeling if not anger? What should I be feeling if not disgust? What should I feel if not [straight up] uncomfortable? George Zimmerman was given back his gun tonight. What should I be feeling if not fear?
Thursday, November 1, 2012
dear november. . .
a new month!
don't you love it?
i started it byyyy...paying rent (my new nemesis) & waiting for the comcast guys
who restored my cable & internet & snapped me out of the daria-coma i've been in for 3 days.
it felt like weeks.
here i am complaining about the tree in my backyard taking out my 1st world privileges while there are people in all over the east coast with no where to live.
i'm just a product of society.
since my cable was out i didn't get to watch the 24hour news coverage of what was going on back home, but i got plenty of updates from friends & family and all I can say is that I am so glad I was not in new york to experience the "devastation" as my dad likes to refer to hurricane sandy, but I kind of wish i was there just to be able to survive that crazy storm with my city that I love so much, and miss so terribly.
i know a lot of people - both personally and via facebook - who doubted this storm, who criticized people who thought to get prepared and for those of them who are in the tristate area I hope they've learned to stop being so cynical and to take things a little bit more seriously
& for those here in boston where all we got was some wind and fallen trees & wires...we are very, very fortunate.
new york city will survive hurricane sandy, i'm not sure sure boston could have survived...
***
things I learned during my time off the grid?
that i'm more inclined to work on my assignments when I have nothing but my own chaotic thoughts to distract me.
and that
coming home to no internet is not exactly the end of the world.
it was nice in a way to know that I can survive being so disconnected
***
its national novel writing month & i haven't written a thing in yearssss and so i'm challenging myself to work on something. i'd love to see myself through on a short novel...maybe even something full length?
lets not get cray <--- thats crazy w/o the "z" check out the "NaNoWriMo" facebook page to participate! lets write books! & then publish them ourselves! because I know how to do that now!...or I will come the end of december
***
On monday when I lost my main connection to the outside world, I panicked and decided I couldn't possibly concentrate on homework...instead I decided to read for pleasure! it'd been soooo long since I was able to do that. I got through about 70 pages of NW by Zadie, but life has gotten in the way again. I need to make a conscious effort to spend time refreshing huffingtonpost.com & reading in bed like I used to when I was 11.
***
i want so many things for november.
&
i'm going to get them????
what about you?
p.s.
i'm really making a super conscious effort to give this blog some focus & not it being the rambly thoughts of a very confused twenty-four year old...
suggestions?
fashion is super over done
and i guess so is writing?
i'm fielding ideas!
come january this blog will evolve.
don't you love it?
i started it byyyy...paying rent (my new nemesis) & waiting for the comcast guys
who restored my cable & internet & snapped me out of the daria-coma i've been in for 3 days.
it felt like weeks.
here i am complaining about the tree in my backyard taking out my 1st world privileges while there are people in all over the east coast with no where to live.
i'm just a product of society.
since my cable was out i didn't get to watch the 24hour news coverage of what was going on back home, but i got plenty of updates from friends & family and all I can say is that I am so glad I was not in new york to experience the "devastation" as my dad likes to refer to hurricane sandy, but I kind of wish i was there just to be able to survive that crazy storm with my city that I love so much, and miss so terribly.
i know a lot of people - both personally and via facebook - who doubted this storm, who criticized people who thought to get prepared and for those of them who are in the tristate area I hope they've learned to stop being so cynical and to take things a little bit more seriously
& for those here in boston where all we got was some wind and fallen trees & wires...we are very, very fortunate.
new york city will survive hurricane sandy, i'm not sure sure boston could have survived...
***
things I learned during my time off the grid?
that i'm more inclined to work on my assignments when I have nothing but my own chaotic thoughts to distract me.
and that
coming home to no internet is not exactly the end of the world.
it was nice in a way to know that I can survive being so disconnected
***
its national novel writing month & i haven't written a thing in yearssss and so i'm challenging myself to work on something. i'd love to see myself through on a short novel...maybe even something full length?
lets not get cray <--- thats crazy w/o the "z" check out the "NaNoWriMo" facebook page to participate! lets write books! & then publish them ourselves! because I know how to do that now!...or I will come the end of december
***
On monday when I lost my main connection to the outside world, I panicked and decided I couldn't possibly concentrate on homework...instead I decided to read for pleasure! it'd been soooo long since I was able to do that. I got through about 70 pages of NW by Zadie, but life has gotten in the way again. I need to make a conscious effort to spend time refreshing huffingtonpost.com & reading in bed like I used to when I was 11.
***
i want so many things for november.
&
i'm going to get them????
what about you?
p.s.
i'm really making a super conscious effort to give this blog some focus & not it being the rambly thoughts of a very confused twenty-four year old...
suggestions?
fashion is super over done
and i guess so is writing?
i'm fielding ideas!
come january this blog will evolve.
Friday, October 26, 2012
titles just aren't my thing.
i haven't posted since october 10th because i've been trying to come up with a title for this one...
jk
no but really.
sometime between then & now i turned twenty-four & i still have no idea what that means...other than that next year i'm turning twenty-five.
i don't feel any different really which i hear is the norm.
was i really expecting to physically feel the difference between twenty-three & twenty-four? yes, i was...i still am.
i think i have noticed slightly more swelling in my feet in the last two weeks ::nods::
***
that moment when you get an assignment back from your professor & it has a note attached that basically says "calm the eff down"
i heard a rumor about a rumor that grad professors really only ever give As; i'm starting to think its true because i handed in an assignment that i was pretty certain i was going to receive a F on, but instead there was an A- & the aforementioned not telling me r e l a x
and A-? how? i thought maybe he was just a super easy grader -and he very well might be- but then i got another A-, when i was absolutelyyyyyy certain [even more than i was before] that I wasn't going to get any higher than a C+
how??
i've been feeling extremely overwhelmed by trying to balance work, school, and sleep & i thought i was failing at it but maybe i really do just need to relax because apparently i'm doing a fine job (i have my first midterm & a huge project due in 3 days & i'm probably jinxing myself here but...)
***
& these are some things that have been on my mind...
1. justin timberlake got married & a little part of me died inside. JT was never my fav;he's actually my least favorite, because he broke up nsync & ruined my life...i digress
but still...wasn't he just 17? wasn't i just 10? married?
it was comforting to know that chris [kirkpatrick] was there because it means that although nsync doesn't exist the way they used to anymore, they're friends. i've heard rumors that they weren't all there...hmmm...
2. i saw the weeknd live. it was amazing. it felt good to be at a concert. it'd been awhile. the house of blues boston is an amazing venue. it was my second show there. loved it. next up?! NAS! & [assuming she doesnt get all crazy & not show up] lauryn hill.
& this is what i'm listening to these days...
1. kendrick lamar {DUH!}
2. the lumineers
3. losing you by solange
4. the new coheed & cambria <--- it is a must hear!
& here is what i don't have time to, but should be reading
1. NW by zadie smith
2. this is how you lose her by junot diaz
3. gone girl by gillian flynn
***
i'm going to start yoga-ing again next week.
if you don't hear from me
come look for me collapsed on the streets of boston.
i don't think my body has ever really heard of "muscle memory"
***
& because i have to! a little bit on the election.
i've already voted
via absentee!
i just couldn't bring myself to vote in massachusetts.
even if you're not voting for who i voted for [*ahem* #FORWARD *ahem*]
get educated about the ISSUES
& vote. it really is an important thing.
...i will say this. it takes more than four years to clean up eight years of bush mess. just sayin!
also!
donald trump? really? not even my college has my college application & that was only like 6 years ago? how do you expect BO to have & release a 30 year old document that we don't ever have access to once its been submitted? isn't there some private island you should be frolicking on?
/end
r.
jk
no but really.
sometime between then & now i turned twenty-four & i still have no idea what that means...other than that next year i'm turning twenty-five.
i don't feel any different really which i hear is the norm.
was i really expecting to physically feel the difference between twenty-three & twenty-four? yes, i was...i still am.
i think i have noticed slightly more swelling in my feet in the last two weeks ::nods::
***
that moment when you get an assignment back from your professor & it has a note attached that basically says "calm the eff down"
i heard a rumor about a rumor that grad professors really only ever give As; i'm starting to think its true because i handed in an assignment that i was pretty certain i was going to receive a F on, but instead there was an A- & the aforementioned not telling me r e l a x
and A-? how? i thought maybe he was just a super easy grader -and he very well might be- but then i got another A-, when i was absolutelyyyyyy certain [even more than i was before] that I wasn't going to get any higher than a C+
how??
i've been feeling extremely overwhelmed by trying to balance work, school, and sleep & i thought i was failing at it but maybe i really do just need to relax because apparently i'm doing a fine job (i have my first midterm & a huge project due in 3 days & i'm probably jinxing myself here but...)
***
& these are some things that have been on my mind...
1. justin timberlake got married & a little part of me died inside. JT was never my fav;he's actually my least favorite, because he broke up nsync & ruined my life...i digress
but still...wasn't he just 17? wasn't i just 10? married?
it was comforting to know that chris [kirkpatrick] was there because it means that although nsync doesn't exist the way they used to anymore, they're friends. i've heard rumors that they weren't all there...hmmm...
2. i saw the weeknd live. it was amazing. it felt good to be at a concert. it'd been awhile. the house of blues boston is an amazing venue. it was my second show there. loved it. next up?! NAS! & [assuming she doesnt get all crazy & not show up] lauryn hill.
& this is what i'm listening to these days...
1. kendrick lamar {DUH!}
2. the lumineers
3. losing you by solange
4. the new coheed & cambria <--- it is a must hear!
& here is what i don't have time to, but should be reading
1. NW by zadie smith
2. this is how you lose her by junot diaz
3. gone girl by gillian flynn
***
i'm going to start yoga-ing again next week.
if you don't hear from me
come look for me collapsed on the streets of boston.
i don't think my body has ever really heard of "muscle memory"
***
& because i have to! a little bit on the election.
i've already voted
via absentee!
i just couldn't bring myself to vote in massachusetts.
even if you're not voting for who i voted for [*ahem* #FORWARD *ahem*]
get educated about the ISSUES
& vote. it really is an important thing.
...i will say this. it takes more than four years to clean up eight years of bush mess. just sayin!
also!
donald trump? really? not even my college has my college application & that was only like 6 years ago? how do you expect BO to have & release a 30 year old document that we don't ever have access to once its been submitted? isn't there some private island you should be frolicking on?
/end
r.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
pre-winter blues?
I hate feeling like the decisions I've made are the wrong ones.
I don't know if its the weather or what, but i've been in quite the mood.
I miss the sun - warmth.
Being this cold makes me tense, and more anxious than usual.
I'm finally starting to really understand there not being enough time in the day.
I'm not the first person ever to attempt graduate school & working almost full time, so why does it feel that way?
Is there something i'm not sacrificing? I have nothing else to give. Sleep? I guess thats a possibility but I'm not nineteen anymore, I can't pull all night-ers like I used to; i can barely stay up past midnight on most days. Once my body hits my mattress thats kinda of it for me...& then I wake up the next morning, rinse, & repeat.
Is this why my mom used to wake up at like 5am? I guess you really do get more done if you wake up before noon...
I've got to find some kind of balance because I'm feeling all kinds of disoriented this days.
&
I have no time for the one thing that I know can get me back on track.
Remember when I used to go to yoga twice a week almost religiously?? 6 months of getting back in shape - mind & body have been erased by 2 months of school & work & school & work & excessively large bowls of pasta & much too much blue bunny birthday cake ice cream - if i didn't have a high metabolism i'd be unrecognizable...
but my bones ache in ways i've never felt before. i don't think i've ever seen my feet swell like this.
How does anyone do it? It seems impossible. There are actually people with full time jobs & children who still manage to go to graduate school? How? What do they sacrifice?
All I have is me to take care of and I am barelyyyy doing that.
I promised myself that when I moved I'd get more reading done - i've been reading Salvage the Bones for about 3 months now
I promised myself that I'd start writing again - I've barely been keeping up with this blog.
I promised to not get sucked back into the eat, sleep, work cycle that was one of my main reasons for leaving nyc, but here I am...
So what are my options?
I seemingly have none.
I'm not lucky enough to be one of those students who doesn't have to work - whose only job is to go to school.
I've given up so much already; all I wanted was to work for at least one of the emerson literary journals/magazines, but thats out of the question. what else can I give up?
Whats going to happen when this semester really picks up? cause I know that there is just so much more to come.
The secret teaches us that our thoughts become things.
I have this terrible habit of crawling back to the secret when I'm feeling at my lowest, but it does have this comforting aura - this way of tricking you into believing things can change just like that which is just want I need to believe sometimes.
So I turn twenty-four in just about three days
&
a present to myself?
a conscious effort at finding balance
&
instant cocoa.
its basically winter out there!
-r.
I don't know if its the weather or what, but i've been in quite the mood.
I miss the sun - warmth.
Being this cold makes me tense, and more anxious than usual.
I'm finally starting to really understand there not being enough time in the day.
I'm not the first person ever to attempt graduate school & working almost full time, so why does it feel that way?
Is there something i'm not sacrificing? I have nothing else to give. Sleep? I guess thats a possibility but I'm not nineteen anymore, I can't pull all night-ers like I used to; i can barely stay up past midnight on most days. Once my body hits my mattress thats kinda of it for me...& then I wake up the next morning, rinse, & repeat.
Is this why my mom used to wake up at like 5am? I guess you really do get more done if you wake up before noon...
I've got to find some kind of balance because I'm feeling all kinds of disoriented this days.
&
I have no time for the one thing that I know can get me back on track.
Remember when I used to go to yoga twice a week almost religiously?? 6 months of getting back in shape - mind & body have been erased by 2 months of school & work & school & work & excessively large bowls of pasta & much too much blue bunny birthday cake ice cream - if i didn't have a high metabolism i'd be unrecognizable...
but my bones ache in ways i've never felt before. i don't think i've ever seen my feet swell like this.
How does anyone do it? It seems impossible. There are actually people with full time jobs & children who still manage to go to graduate school? How? What do they sacrifice?
All I have is me to take care of and I am barelyyyy doing that.
I promised myself that when I moved I'd get more reading done - i've been reading Salvage the Bones for about 3 months now
I promised myself that I'd start writing again - I've barely been keeping up with this blog.
I promised to not get sucked back into the eat, sleep, work cycle that was one of my main reasons for leaving nyc, but here I am...
So what are my options?
I seemingly have none.
I'm not lucky enough to be one of those students who doesn't have to work - whose only job is to go to school.
I've given up so much already; all I wanted was to work for at least one of the emerson literary journals/magazines, but thats out of the question. what else can I give up?
Whats going to happen when this semester really picks up? cause I know that there is just so much more to come.
The secret teaches us that our thoughts become things.
I have this terrible habit of crawling back to the secret when I'm feeling at my lowest, but it does have this comforting aura - this way of tricking you into believing things can change just like that which is just want I need to believe sometimes.
So I turn twenty-four in just about three days
&
a present to myself?
a conscious effort at finding balance
&
instant cocoa.
its basically winter out there!
-r.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
i always thought i'd have the chance to make it up to her.
years & years of homemade birthday cards that were always made with love & always greatly appreciated
but
she deserved so much more.
i can't tell you how many times since shes passed away that i've seen a shirt, a bag, a pair of shoes, a book & thought "mom would love that"
leopard print anything? done.
whenever i presented one of these handcrafted tokens of my love i'd be thinking one day, one day i will buy you everything.
and despite the fact that there is about $45.00 in my checkings account right now i'd have spent the past couple of days, maybe even weeks searching for the perfect gift - something she'd love, something she'd deserve to have because she really was the best she could ever be...at least to me.
& it really does hurt that i'll never ever get that chance.
i was sitting in class 2 nights ago and i couldn't help but think about her, about how this is all she ever wanted for me
about how im so much closer now to what i want for myself, & how its so unfair that she isn't here to share this with me...
blurgh.
all i can do now is hope that pieces of white paper folded in half with terrible crayola drawings of a rose or some kind of figure that was meant to be her was really enough and that maybe somehow she know deep down that i really wanted to give her everything.
happy birthday mom.
Monday, September 10, 2012
my professor & i? we're already on the same page ::nods::
*disclaimer: the following is a mish mosh of thoughts that have been rolling around in my mind today. it may at times read like one big run on sentence. forgive me.*
1.i'm pretty sure i finally get why people wake up hourssss before they really have to. i have always been a pretty firm believer in "i don't have to be here until this time sooo im not waking up until like 2 hours before.'
i didn't have class today until 6pm which in my mind means, "don't wake up until 3:45ish, snooze til 4pm, get ready, leave the house by like 5:15, run to class."
i couldn't do that today. i had to get up early and handle some cable business, grab some groceries, clean up a bit, eat, etc etc...
& despite the fact that i'm pretty exhausted now, i feel pretty darn accomplished.
i think i'll do this again tomorrow. maybe wake up around 9am [most likely 12pm] --- watch live with kelly & michael -- read a bit? maybe even...write???
the things i could do from 9am-6pm when class starts? imagine the possibilities??
sometimes i sleep all day & wake up feeling like i've wasted so much time. now that my semester has officially started, i won't have time to waste anymore. the days im not at work are the days i have class. i have to juggle work, school, and errands etc...ya know...life!
i'm not saying i'm gonna start waking up at 5am like my grandmother -- lets not get crazy, but im gonna at least try to be up early enough for breakfast! [probably brunch]*
2. my copyediting professor hit the nail on the head this evening. he is also from new york & when one of the girls in class said she wanted to do fashion magazine editing or whatever the hell her career choice is, he said "im not sure theres much fashion in boston. people wear gear here"
it took everything in me not to yell "right!?"
now i don't want to generalize especially since most bostonians aren't really bostonians at all, but there is a hugeeeee void, a lacking of fashions up here.
have you ever heard of jack rogers? because i haven't...before coming to boston i dont think i've ever seen a pair of these damn sandals but now? i've seen about 1,000?
why is everyone wearing the same thing??? and why those sandals??? of course i'm guilty of owning 4 pairs of toms, but those are awesome (i'm obviously biased).
i'm not saying the people here aren't well put together -- i have seen a couple well put together people but for the most part? boston is not very fashion forward -- even the drag queens here need some work ::nods::
oh & now that i'm taking a copyediting course this blog will seem a lot less like the ramblings of a hamster.
3. grad school is a different beast. i don't think i have spent enough time preparing myself. especially for sitting in a class for 3 hours and 45 minutes. good gawd. is this the true test of graduate school? to see how long one can sit in a classroom & not commit japanese ritual suicide?
i didn't wanna be that person in class with their eyes closed but i definitely was. i guess thats normal? i haven't been in a classroom about 2 & 1/2 years. it'll get better?
i'm totally ready to get to work though, the one thing i regret the most about undergrad is that i left half of what i learned go the second my final paper was handed in ya know?
i want to retain every single thing this time around & if that means staying awake for 3 hours and 45 minutes while my professor mumbles on about hypens then so be it!
i felt so much closer to a career in class today & i'm so excited to get there...
4. it dropped from about 75 degrees to 55 today in boston. geesh. its only september 10th. whats the deal? i need a winter coat!
5. i know its already 10 days in, but i love starting a new month. i am alwaysss needing to start over -- new month, new week, new day, new hour even! my goal for the month is to make it 10x better than the last. i have a tendency to run farrrr away from the last month, trying to forget it ever existed. thats not what i want. its more like a "oh hey remember how awesome last month was??? lets keeping riding that wave into the new month!"...
get it?
no?
blurgh
-end rant-
r.
*my life is one big contradiction
1.i'm pretty sure i finally get why people wake up hourssss before they really have to. i have always been a pretty firm believer in "i don't have to be here until this time sooo im not waking up until like 2 hours before.'
i didn't have class today until 6pm which in my mind means, "don't wake up until 3:45ish, snooze til 4pm, get ready, leave the house by like 5:15, run to class."
i couldn't do that today. i had to get up early and handle some cable business, grab some groceries, clean up a bit, eat, etc etc...
& despite the fact that i'm pretty exhausted now, i feel pretty darn accomplished.
i think i'll do this again tomorrow. maybe wake up around 9am [most likely 12pm] --- watch live with kelly & michael -- read a bit? maybe even...write???
the things i could do from 9am-6pm when class starts? imagine the possibilities??
sometimes i sleep all day & wake up feeling like i've wasted so much time. now that my semester has officially started, i won't have time to waste anymore. the days im not at work are the days i have class. i have to juggle work, school, and errands etc...ya know...life!
i'm not saying i'm gonna start waking up at 5am like my grandmother -- lets not get crazy, but im gonna at least try to be up early enough for breakfast! [probably brunch]*
2. my copyediting professor hit the nail on the head this evening. he is also from new york & when one of the girls in class said she wanted to do fashion magazine editing or whatever the hell her career choice is, he said "im not sure theres much fashion in boston. people wear gear here"
it took everything in me not to yell "right!?"
now i don't want to generalize especially since most bostonians aren't really bostonians at all, but there is a hugeeeee void, a lacking of fashions up here.
have you ever heard of jack rogers? because i haven't...before coming to boston i dont think i've ever seen a pair of these damn sandals but now? i've seen about 1,000?
why is everyone wearing the same thing??? and why those sandals??? of course i'm guilty of owning 4 pairs of toms, but those are awesome (i'm obviously biased).
i'm not saying the people here aren't well put together -- i have seen a couple well put together people but for the most part? boston is not very fashion forward -- even the drag queens here need some work ::nods::
oh & now that i'm taking a copyediting course this blog will seem a lot less like the ramblings of a hamster.
3. grad school is a different beast. i don't think i have spent enough time preparing myself. especially for sitting in a class for 3 hours and 45 minutes. good gawd. is this the true test of graduate school? to see how long one can sit in a classroom & not commit japanese ritual suicide?
i didn't wanna be that person in class with their eyes closed but i definitely was. i guess thats normal? i haven't been in a classroom about 2 & 1/2 years. it'll get better?
i'm totally ready to get to work though, the one thing i regret the most about undergrad is that i left half of what i learned go the second my final paper was handed in ya know?
i want to retain every single thing this time around & if that means staying awake for 3 hours and 45 minutes while my professor mumbles on about hypens then so be it!
i felt so much closer to a career in class today & i'm so excited to get there...
4. it dropped from about 75 degrees to 55 today in boston. geesh. its only september 10th. whats the deal? i need a winter coat!
5. i know its already 10 days in, but i love starting a new month. i am alwaysss needing to start over -- new month, new week, new day, new hour even! my goal for the month is to make it 10x better than the last. i have a tendency to run farrrr away from the last month, trying to forget it ever existed. thats not what i want. its more like a "oh hey remember how awesome last month was??? lets keeping riding that wave into the new month!"...
get it?
no?
blurgh
-end rant-
r.
*my life is one big contradiction
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