Now what?

I submitted my graduate school application this morning. Did I ever mention that I was doing just 1?
It was probably the most anxious 5 minutes of my life.

Things I thought would happen while I was in the middle of submitting my online application:
1. my computer would implode
2. the internet would suddenly disappear & cease to exist
3. i would hit the wrong button & both of my essays would disintegrate right before my eyes
4. it would suddenly be January 16th & I missed the deadline

None of that happened but they totally could have ::nods::
So I checked & double checked & triple checked my application from beginning to end. Everything was in order. I clicked submit & paid that $60 application fee...which is $60 that I could have used on a couple medium pizzas & some cheesy bread or like savings or something, but I guess $60 to have the chance to further my education isn't too bad right?

Application filled out? check. resume attached? check. essays attached? check. transcript on its way? check. recommendations? those are kind of at a c-h-e... i hope to have that be a check by the end of the week...so I submitted the application & felt the weight being lifted off of my brain. For that past couple of months I've been obsessing about my GRE and this application & now I can focus on other things like being incredibly jealous of Mindy Kaling for writing one of the best books I've ever read (despite being only half way through I can already declare & stand by that statement) & just being jealous of her overall amazing-ness.

I can focus on searching for a second job? preferably at a dominos...how much is their discount? and exactly how fast is my metabolism?
I could also put all this energy I will now have into going to bikram yoga like i've been wanting...hmmmmm
I will welcome all these distractions because the waiting is whats really going to kill me. Writing those essays were pretty anxiety inducing, but the waiting?! geesh...
I mean it would be okay if I knew for sure that I was waiting for an acceptance letter but ya know sometimes an application is just an application...actually most of the time ::nods::

Fortunately I have a pretty good track record:
[if i completely ignore that time I applied to the New School University in a desperate attempt to escape New Hampshire...umm I had like a -2.6 gpa & hadn't quite developed my amazing essay-ing skills]
I got into all of the high schools I applied to back in 8th grade, I got into all 5 colleges/universities I applied to when I was a senior in high school soooo lets keep this record going...yeah?

All of that aside
this is a pretty vulnerable time for me. Most apply to at the very least 4 graduate schools. I made the decision to apply to just 1 - to put all of my "eggs" in one "basket."
This will work out & be the best decision I've ever made orrrrrrrr it will not work out & be the worst decision i've ever made. I'll either be making this great move to another city & starting over & all these good things or I will continue to be a jaded new yorker who hates her job & would rather spend her days in bed watching never say never on netflix [but i mean i'd probably do that either way ::nods::]
Also, what will everyone think of me? my fam, my friends, my recommendation providers, my colleagues...
Will they think I'm a failure? because thats definitely what i'm going to think...hmmmm

I definitely thought I'd feel much better once everything was submitted & out of my hands & thrown into the universe's hands but
it just doesn't get any less traumatizing does it?

What is the life of an overly emotionally unstable twenty-something if it is not full of anxiety?

So now what?
I wait & I make it to maybe 1 bikram yoga class & wait & maybe start writing more like I promised baby new year I would & wait & try to forget what i'm waiting for & wait & maybe do some knitting? & wait...

& then
...what?