I have gotten so much feed back about my reaction to the verdict.
I don't think I can ever fully express my gratitude for all the kind words.
Thank you all for reaching out & for most importantly sharing my post.
It has gotten a ridiculous amount of views since I posted it less than 24 hours ago, and that means I was able to write something that resonates with a lot more people than I could have ever imagined.
There are hundreds and thousands of people who feel the way I do about Trayvon Martin and the circumstances surrounding his death. Which means that there are hundreds and thousands of us who can make sure that he did not die vain.
This is the link to the NAACP petition to the Department of Justice. SIGN IT.
There is so much more we can do! You guys know how to use the internet! Do it!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
what should I feel if not devalued?: my initial thoughts on the verdict that left me speechless.
“Being black is really hard. I admit my privilege but it’s still tough” -Kelli A. J.
And some people are always trying to take that away from us. I do not know why and I do not think I will every know why, but what I do know is that the outcome of the George Zimmerman trial is proof that we, black people, have a right to feel this weight.
Let’s call a spade a spade: we have always been second class citizens in this country and we always will be.
As I wrote that first paragraph, I thought ‘man, I sound like someone who has been on this earth much longer than 24 years.’ I sound like I lived through the civil rights movement. In reality I was born in 1988, I went to catholic school from kindergarten through high school, I went to college on academic scholarship, and I am just twenty credits away from my master’s degree. This verdict, this injustice for Trayvon Martin has forced me to accept the fact that none of that matters. How do I explain to my future son why he is not allowed to go to the store alone EVER?
My father got his ‘I told you so” in tonight. We have always had this back and forth about race, race relations, and racism in America -- him telling it like [I now know] it is and me brushing it off as some old school paranoia, something he needed to let go. He didn’t rub it in the way he could have because even he is shocked by this outcome. Even he thought that maybe, just maybe an innocent young man would get some justice.
I can’t help but feel that my life will never be the same. Something has definitely changed. My best friend got it very right tonight when she sent me a text that said simply “this is our Rodney King case.”
I don’t even know what it is I am feeling, I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it anger? Is it fear? Some combination of the two? Either way I am allowed to feel it and I resent anyone who says that “this” was not about race or that we’re “just angry” or somehow irrational for feeling the way we do, for thinking the way my father and all his civil rights era peers think. They want to do away with affirmative action because it gives “us” an unfair advantage. HA! For minorities in this country there is no advantage. Black president or not, we live in a country where black skin is enough proof that you are up to no good, that you deserve to be shot down in the street. George Zimmerman is allowed to be afraid of Trayvon Martin but Trayvon Martin was not allowed to be afraid of George Zimmerman.
A few hours later and I think I know what I’m feeling now -- just straight up uncomfortable.
Tonight a good friend of mine said “I feel like I just got called a nigger by my country and it doesn’t feel good at all.”
It doesn't feel good.
Is what I’m feeling now the way I should feel when I am the only black student in my classes? when I'm the only black person in the office? at the party?
Its like being shocked out of your sleep, like having a bucket of ice water thrown in your face.
I was forced to accept a lot of things tonight.
One thing I am ready to accept is that this post will fall on deaf ears [blind eyes?]. Some people just won’t understand how I feel or why I am feeling it. And there are a lot of people who just don’t care. The silence on my Facebook newsfeed was palpable.
“Next time you hear someone ask "Why do you have to be "black?" why can't you just be American?" remember this moment.” -@elonjames
This isn’t about playing the “race card”. This isn’t about giving Al Sharpton something to do. This is about the fact that Trayvon Martin is someone we [and I guess I am speaking for all black people here] can identify with -- Trayvon Martin could have been my twin brother or my seventeen year old nephew -- and tonight it was ruled that his life wasn’t even worth the bag of skittles he went out to buy.
What should I be feeling if not anger? What should I be feeling if not disgust? What should I feel if not [straight up] uncomfortable? George Zimmerman was given back his gun tonight. What should I be feeling if not fear?
And some people are always trying to take that away from us. I do not know why and I do not think I will every know why, but what I do know is that the outcome of the George Zimmerman trial is proof that we, black people, have a right to feel this weight.
Let’s call a spade a spade: we have always been second class citizens in this country and we always will be.
As I wrote that first paragraph, I thought ‘man, I sound like someone who has been on this earth much longer than 24 years.’ I sound like I lived through the civil rights movement. In reality I was born in 1988, I went to catholic school from kindergarten through high school, I went to college on academic scholarship, and I am just twenty credits away from my master’s degree. This verdict, this injustice for Trayvon Martin has forced me to accept the fact that none of that matters. How do I explain to my future son why he is not allowed to go to the store alone EVER?
My father got his ‘I told you so” in tonight. We have always had this back and forth about race, race relations, and racism in America -- him telling it like [I now know] it is and me brushing it off as some old school paranoia, something he needed to let go. He didn’t rub it in the way he could have because even he is shocked by this outcome. Even he thought that maybe, just maybe an innocent young man would get some justice.
I can’t help but feel that my life will never be the same. Something has definitely changed. My best friend got it very right tonight when she sent me a text that said simply “this is our Rodney King case.”
I don’t even know what it is I am feeling, I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it anger? Is it fear? Some combination of the two? Either way I am allowed to feel it and I resent anyone who says that “this” was not about race or that we’re “just angry” or somehow irrational for feeling the way we do, for thinking the way my father and all his civil rights era peers think. They want to do away with affirmative action because it gives “us” an unfair advantage. HA! For minorities in this country there is no advantage. Black president or not, we live in a country where black skin is enough proof that you are up to no good, that you deserve to be shot down in the street. George Zimmerman is allowed to be afraid of Trayvon Martin but Trayvon Martin was not allowed to be afraid of George Zimmerman.
A few hours later and I think I know what I’m feeling now -- just straight up uncomfortable.
Tonight a good friend of mine said “I feel like I just got called a nigger by my country and it doesn’t feel good at all.”
It doesn't feel good.
Is what I’m feeling now the way I should feel when I am the only black student in my classes? when I'm the only black person in the office? at the party?
Its like being shocked out of your sleep, like having a bucket of ice water thrown in your face.
I was forced to accept a lot of things tonight.
One thing I am ready to accept is that this post will fall on deaf ears [blind eyes?]. Some people just won’t understand how I feel or why I am feeling it. And there are a lot of people who just don’t care. The silence on my Facebook newsfeed was palpable.
“Next time you hear someone ask "Why do you have to be "black?" why can't you just be American?" remember this moment.” -@elonjames
This isn’t about playing the “race card”. This isn’t about giving Al Sharpton something to do. This is about the fact that Trayvon Martin is someone we [and I guess I am speaking for all black people here] can identify with -- Trayvon Martin could have been my twin brother or my seventeen year old nephew -- and tonight it was ruled that his life wasn’t even worth the bag of skittles he went out to buy.
What should I be feeling if not anger? What should I be feeling if not disgust? What should I feel if not [straight up] uncomfortable? George Zimmerman was given back his gun tonight. What should I be feeling if not fear?
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